TRIGGER WARNING
I want to be heard, I want someone to stand up and speak on my behalf. Because even though I have shouted it from the rooftops, and made those around me aware, it has made no difference in my life.
I have been let down, time and again. And what hurts the most, is when the person you trust the most lets you down too.
I know that I messed up. I am human too. I had an episode and I cut myself up next to my boyfriend and Infront of some of classmates. Ironically we all are medical students and when I found out about the cuts, I freaked out too. I begged someone to help me and instead was greeted with stares of disgust and pity.
I heard whispers of people claiming that I’m doing this for attention. And my boyfriend said he had enough and broke it off with me because his friends convinced him that I’m not worth it.
But we were great together, even when shit like this happened, we somehow managed to get past it. They had no right to get involved and I miss him so badly. Because he was also my best friend.
I told him everything, things I haven’t even told anyone else out loud. How can you say someone is family and then cut them out of your life completely the next day?
I know I messed up, I’m taking help but as with every other mental illness, it takes time. I am much better than I was before and I really want him back but I have nobody to defend me.
Everyone treats me like a lunatic escaped from a mental institution and that really hurts. Please help me
Dear, write here, there is always someone listening to you… 🙂
I’m so sorry, you shouldn’t have to go through this. I hate to see your friends turning against you, especially given the fact that they’re medical students and should know better. You’re so strong to recognise and call out their hostile behaviour. You just need to continue taking the help, you’re doing exactly what you should. You need to focus only on yourself. I know it is easier said than done, but believe me, for people it is just gossip one way or another. It isn’t that you cut yourself, it’s just something for them to discuss that isn’t their own. They love doing that, prying into people’s lives, passing judgements and opinions. Even if it were something else, some other kind of gossip, they would’ve been discussing it. Haven’t you noticed how they mock all professors? Someone’s hairline, somebody’s ass, somebody’s relationship status? It’s just what useless people do. And I’m not saying they’re right, I’m just saying they’re not worth your time. People need something to talk about other than themselves. Periodt. And you don’t need to justify your actions for that. I know it is easy to say that you don’t need anyone else, it is very “motivational quote book” kind of advice, but having been through a period of silent social outcasting back in high school, only I know how I brought myself back from the dead. It was so hard because I felt people whispering and murmuring as I passed by. No one directly said anything, but they made jokes. Rude jokes. Vulgar, hurtful jokes. And I kept ignoring them and kept trying to get my head back in the game. I just kept focusing on my studies and extracurriculars, and that was my only sense of satisfaction. Most everybody had distanced themselves from me, but not outrightly, but I knew they didn’t see me the same way as before. And I stopped caring because I also realised that real friends don’t and won’t ever let that happen to you. My mother would say, if you love someone, you let them go. And if that love was real, they’ll come back. Most of the people that were earlier in my life, were now gone.It was a long process, a continuous one too. To come out of this. The only thing that helped me was staying consistent, and I’m grateful that I could find that strength and will within me to fight back. I had started praying to God, every evening, and that somehow really kept me going too. It helped me feel as if there was someone, or something bigger than me, looking out for me, and that it will all be okay. Yes, you’re human and you’re allowed to make mistakes. And someone who cannot learn to live with that doesn’t really deserve a place in your life. You are doing everything right, and I want you to know that you’re not the only one who has felt this way. You are not wrong, you are heard, your feelings are valid and you have the power to get through this, whether or not anyone cares to be there for you.You have me ❤️
Huggggsss.
