I want people to feel exactly how they treated me....is this evil? I want to feel validated and vindicated and not compare how I feel to their feelings and tell me their problems are worse. 

It's not evil. It feels like you want people who hurt you to know what empathy is . Nothing wrong in that

Depression

Absence is something that is strong and warm.It will hold you and  teach you how to miss someone, and how to be without that person, and how to survive it anyway...

3am Thoughts

Anyone awake? 

Why i find love outside ??

Love

I want a home mostly just to welcome people into it. There will be bowls of candy for guests, and the cookie jar is full. I’ll always say “I was just about to make a coffee/tea/cocoa, would you like one?” when somebody walks in. There’s lemonade and iced tea made fresh on hot days. There’s champagne and sparkling juice hidden on a high shelf just in case somebody announces their engagement or their pregnancy or their new job while they’re here. There is an extra chair in the living room, at the table, and on the deck, and it’s for you. I want to be able to say “if you’re ever in trouble, come to me.”

Other

Which one?

Friends

I work as a traditional artist I want to sell my artworks but I don't know how can I sell it 😭😔

So here is the thing. I have PTSD. People who know me know this but they don't understand it or how it effects me or just have damn horrible it is. I don;t remember the majority of 2 whole years. Because something happened and I can't fucking remember what. It scares the shit out of me, it literally keeps me awake at night, it's why I stay up so late, hoping that one night I will just fall asleep without thinking of them or of what happened or without remembering. The last 2 night I had remembered things that i forgot about that were actually really important to me. This girl that i used to love; her mother was abusive, so was her dad and her mum's boyfriend abused her too so she moved in with her dad. She tried to kill herself by the time she was 10. I know this because when she was 10 and I was 12 we compared methods of suicide. Luckily both failed. But I had forgotten that. Last night when I was trying to sleep I remembered that she had a bunk bed that time i went to her house, that she had a sister who was 19 and had moved out that she could run or get her mum's boyfriend to leave because of the bunk bed. I remember I was terrified of her dad. It's been 4 years since I last saw her. I'm scared to contact but I feel like I need to for my path to recovery but I don't want to ruin hers for my own. I don't know what to do but her name will always mean something different to me. Aside from that I remembered that I made shitty diary from the year I forgot. I think i only wrote maybe a month but hopefully it'll say what I need. I don't know if i'll like what I read or if it'll give me answers but I hope it will. I can't stand to keep revisiting things my mind has only half remembered every time I close my eyes to sleep. 

I read it. It only answered a few questions but left more. I wish I hadn't read it. I remember how I felt and I wish that beast stayed in the dark. 

Please someone let me know that I'm not crazy. that it gets better. because I'm scared

I am 6feet tall and has got little muscular body, but i never had a gf bcoz i am dark skin and I feel very bad about it

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