I very cliche.. but I didn't... didn't know the wrist could... drop so much... blood, Everywhere.

Confusion

So the first time I did self harm was when I was in 8th grade. Which was 7 years ago. Am 20 now, in my final year of degree and I've started doing it again. Idk why I did it then. I've always been the depressed kid w problems I think? Always been a lil crazy in the head? Now, I don't make deep cuts or something. It's just slight scratches, but I do use a knife. It's umm idk what, why and how but becoming a sort of a habit, I think. I don't know. It happens everytime I can't process things, have breakdowns or anger issues over the smallest things. 
Well, I think I just needed to vent it out. Am sorry if anyone comes across this post and it upsets them. 

Self Harm

 I suppose
I love my scars
because
they have
stayed with me
longer
than most people
have


3am Thoughts

i’m not cutt!ng myself anymore . 
i’m just crying myself to sleep and not eating and biting myself and hating how i look in the mirror and hating everything.
idk if that’s better.

Depression

self harm really helps depressed people. other people would say "why self harm when you can just kill yourself?" the things is, we don't want to kill ourselves. we just want to express our pain. most people who do self harm are those people who can't cry, or can no longer cry. crying their heart out but there's no tears visible. when i was 14 or 15, i always hurt myself. not because i want the attention, as a matter of fact, i don't want my family to know that I've been hurting myself because i'm afraid that they will just invalidate what i feel and it will hurt me even more. so, i am self harming because i can't cry, and guess what, it is the most frustrating thing in the world. imagine being in pain so much that all u want to do is cry hoping that i can lessen the pain, but turns out u have no tears. how am i able to express my pain? how am i able to lessen the pain? it is so hard. so instead, i will hurt myself physically, in order to divert the pain, it lessened the pain in my heart. self harming really helps, but it can get u addicted to it. right now, i no longer self harm, the scars are still there. it reminds me of my young self who can't control her emotions. the only difference between me and my old self is that, right now, i'm still depressed but i can control my emotions a little. it's a progress right? im getting in there. slowly. just trust the process.

hey guys im posting i accidently severd my right hand and now its bloody what to do? 

My self harm is getting bad again 😪, my leg ended up bleeding quite badly this morning luckily I was able to cover it up and no one noticed. It's getting worse I crave it more frequently I'm cutting deeper. I have about 20 cuts on my one thigh from the past 2 days alone and more on my arms and other thigh. 
It's getting harder to resist the urge to do it. It doesn't help that my intrusive thoughts have been getting worse and more vivid especially when I feel like cutting or when I look at the cuts I think about how it might just be best to just end it all. And I think about doing it in the most gruesome way possible I don't want to tell people that this is what I'm going through because I don't want them to look at me like some broken toy I can't stand having people look at me like that 

yayyy im 6 days free from self-harm

okay so good news :) 
i'm 3 months clean from self-harming 
im super proud of myself. 
this is some type of cheesy/ inspirational typa shit. 
but fr.
it gets better i promise. 
you're strong you got this. 
remember. people care, drink water AND love yourself
but baby steps. you got this! 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts