I tried so hard to not ruin this year 
To feel 
To be happy
To put in effort 
To want to live 
To change 
To improve 

What did it all do to me 
Got hurt even more 

What the hell should I do now 😭

Depression

I'm not for everyone. The End

3am Thoughts

I hate being poor. 

Conflict

My mental state is totally fucked up right now I'm not being able to hold myself up......... I'm trying to calm myself down but i can't help it........I'm having emotional breakdown........my brain is fucked up..... I've a job i have to be at office tomorrow but I'm not in a syate of doing so.........i can't even leave the job or take leave as i need this job. 

I don't think I am good for this world. I want to be something to be proud of, but I just can't reach it. My lack of social skills and my anxiety is killing me ever since I was a born, and it never left. I hate how I can't even talk while people around me seems to be flowing their minds together to make one understandable conversation. I sometimes force myself to talk and ends up so fake to the point that I exaggerate my response to everything the other person says, making them feel uncomfortable. I want to change, maybe born a different way were I can interact with ease or at least normally. I am hyper focused when someone talks to me that it feels like I am watching a movie were people are reading a carefully put up, but still original script to the audience. I cannot respond but only with shallow answers like "yes" or "ok". I spill everything that it comes to my mind or know when I meet someone because I believe that I am too average, but when I do, I notice that I am average and even more awkward than anyone else. I tried with my might to make friends, and rare occasions when I do, I can't keep up with them, always faking what I say or do. I have no friend. What this means is that no real life or online. I tried to make myself happier by saying that everything is doing good and move on, but the truth is, I am lonely. I know it. It is a fact that I cannot deny. I think I am weak for crying and describing that I feel actual physical pain while being depressed, I don't know. I will share what I feel, you can say I am exaggerating because I have a weak mindset for myself, maybe you are right because my pain is not that significant in this big ocean. When I begin crying I feel my heart and my digestive as well as my intestines hurt. It hurt like hell, like fist punching into my brain and guts. I want to puke. I think of too sorrowful events or just made up imaginary thoughts of the past, present, or the future of what I would be. I don't want to go to the doctors I need a friend to talk to. 

 I feel like crying. I don’t know how people can speak this level of ill about someone. Like why are people like this. I have done so much for friends… lol but they were never mine . I thought females friends are the best but some girls don’t get it. I feel like crying throughout my day.

Friends

When you are genuine, when you understand how life has taught you to be, you are not alone.

Life

When u were there were n number of moment's...
When u r not there still i have n number of memories....

Finally leaving for myself rather being waiting for someone 🌻🌻🌻

What do y’all feel about an MBA after Computer science degree and post graduation in Computer science? I wanna change my role to a non technical one, since now i am doing an internship i feel like this is not the career role for me. I am software developer intern and struggling a lot.

Advice please.


Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts