I tried ignoring my feelings like most people in m lie said, pretending iamokby posting pretty pictures and not speaking to him but deep down, I hoped he would like the pictures and return to me just because, setting aside all that caused us to disagree because it felt worse not being near me. He was my first love, however he lied about his name, wanted me to send him money I did not have that he believed I had, decided he was done after the first month thus he started courting another all the while keeping me close for months while he ravished her as he had promised only me. I feel ashamed when I look back at it, and worse so because after a whole year of separation and watching him grow with the one he let me for still desire him. He is on m mind first thing in the morning and last thing before I sleep. I thought I was obsessed for a while and did not know why it was so hard to control myself and stop stalking him on insta. I have felt pity, sadness, anger, pain, hoping one day I would wake up and it would not make me teary. No one knows before he left he threatened to release m nudes to all m followers in the name of making me feel the pain I caused him, yet I did not even once tell him I did not value him like he did to me or that I was done with him. His justification for it was that he was angry and that’s why he was hurtful. Sometimes I wonder if he treats her that way too, or if he just did that to me. I wish he’d apologize but I was the only one who ever did that. Now I fear that I hold so much anger inside me not only because of what he did but because for the first time in my life I let someone in, plus they wanted me and I wanted them too. I feel messy inside, and I don’t know how to fix myself. I am too scared to let anyone in and when I try I find myself being rather cold and pushing them away. Feels like he took away my warmth and naivety. Sometimes I regret sometimes I don’t. I used to be so strong-willed and strong-minded on cases like these, now I can’t pick myself up completely. All I feel is pain I don’t know how to heal and anger I don’t even realize I have until I lash out over minor things. The close friends I had who know part of the story grew tired of listening and all said they do not want to hear it. I still do not feel better. Internally I have anger on self for not forgetting them when i should and for letting them treat me as they did.
How should I reply?
- Read the thoughts carefully to understand the emotions behind them.
- Take your time to think before your respond.
- Your words matter. Use them to show support.
- Try to be as honest and open-minded as possible.
- Personal responses go a long way in keeping the community kind, loving and empathetic.