Kavya Ganesh @kavyaganesh
I think writing as an anonymous person is better because I donāt even feel like an actual person sometimes. Nevertheless.
Some days are good, most days are cloudy, and the remaining days are numb. I still feel happy every now and then, but I feel sadness in the same breath. Some of it has to do with how I feel about my upcoming medical entrance exam, rest of it has to do with living in itself.
Regarding the exam, I feel like Iām at a point where I canāt make much of a difference, and it hurts to try when you feel so hopeless. So I end up not trying, and feel guilty about that.
Regarding life, well, where should I start? I just feel stuck. I feel like Iām in the same place I was a year ago. I donāt have a shoulder to cry on, and the person who wants to lend their shoulder isnāt someone who would understand this overwhelming sadness inside me. Iāve heard of and known people who feel empty, I canāt relate to that. I have too many emotions to process to ever feel empty. I have either too many memories or the lack of it to cry about. I have a family, but I donāt feel like I know any one of them other than my mom. I have friends, but theyāre not the kind of people I need. I have arms and limbs and a fully functioning body and brain, but that doesnāt keep me from feeling unfortunate.
I understand that itās not right of me to be so dissatisfied with life when I have so much that so many people donāt. Iāve tried to reason with myself, but Iāve come to understand that emotions canāt always be reasoned with.
For the first time in 2-3 years, I looked at the idols that are worshipped in my house and cried. Iād given up on believing that there was someone up there looking after me. It gets hard to believe that when all you feel is misery.
Iām sad about my dysfunctional family, my dipping academics, my inability to form good relations with people, my inability to believe in something good ever happening to me: thatās why Iām sad.
If youāve read till here, thank you for taking time to understand my pain. It really does mean a lot to me.
Also, Iāve been wanting to say this to someone: the only superpower I would like is the ability to make it rain when I feel sad. It is comforting to feel like Iām not alone in my misery.
Hi, Its really okay We hear you even if thereās no one you feel around you. Donāt lose hope. Be optimistic. It all really happens with me too this chaos of emotions in my mind when I really feel numb and cannot process what to do. Just believe in yourself and continue your effort. Just donāt stop that. Donāt worry about the result or the consequences. Be optimistic. Life has a very unusual way of working out in the end when you donāt even expect it too. Believe in the power of you and prayers of your mother. As long as you love yourself and are happy enough It doesnāt matter if you do not have good relations with people.
Kavya Ganesh @kavyaganesh
Hearing that thereās a possibility everything will turn out well in the end, that gives me a lot of strength and comfort, makes me feel like Iām not kidding myself. Thank you :))
Hope youāre safe in this pandemic!
Iām safe, Thankyou . Hope you are well too! And so many good and positive things are already on your way. Just donāt lose your strength. Everything will be amazing very soon
Hey I promise everything one day is going to be alright. Truth iswe have to go through this to completely transforms ourselves. We dont carry emotions or situations we are not able to tolerate. We are capable of more. Life is going to give you sunshines or even rain if it makes you feel better. Youll do great on your test. Youll do great on relationships. You are awesome and I totally admire the way you are able to express your feelings through words.
Kavya Ganesh @kavyaganesh
Awww thank you so much. That was reassuring š„°š
