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Kavya Ganesh @kavyaganesh

I think writing as an anonymous person is better because I don’t even feel like an actual person sometimes. Nevertheless.
Some days are good, most days are cloudy, and the remaining days are numb. I still feel happy every now and then, but I feel sadness in the same breath. Some of it has to do with how I feel about my upcoming medical entrance exam, rest of it has to do with living in itself.
Regarding the exam, I feel like I’m at a point where I can’t make much of a difference, and it hurts to try when you feel so hopeless. So I end up not trying, and feel guilty about that.
Regarding life, well, where should I start? I just feel stuck. I feel like I’m in the same place I was a year ago. I don’t have a shoulder to cry on, and the person who wants to lend their shoulder isn’t someone who would understand this overwhelming sadness inside me. I’ve heard of and known people who feel empty, I can’t relate to that. I have too many emotions to process to ever feel empty. I have either too many memories or the lack of it to cry about. I have a family, but I don’t feel like I know any one of them other than my mom. I have friends, but they’re not the kind of people I need. I have arms and limbs and a fully functioning body and brain, but that doesn’t keep me from feeling unfortunate.
I understand that it’s not right of me to be so dissatisfied with life when I have so much that so many people don’t. I’ve tried to reason with myself, but I’ve come to understand that emotions can’t always be reasoned with.

For the first time in 2-3 years, I looked at the idols that are worshipped in my house and cried. I’d given up on believing that there was someone up there looking after me. It gets hard to believe that when all you feel is misery.

I’m sad about my dysfunctional family, my dipping academics, my inability to form good relations with people, my inability to believe in something good ever happening to me: that’s why I’m sad.

If you’ve read till here, thank you for taking time to understand my pain. It really does mean a lot to me.

Also, I’ve been wanting to say this to someone: the only superpower I would like is the ability to make it rain when I feel sad. It is comforting to feel like I’m not alone in my misery.

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5 replies

Hi, Its really okay We hear you even if there’s no one you feel around you. Don’t lose hope. Be optimistic. It all really happens with me too this chaos of emotions in my mind when I really feel numb and cannot process what to do. Just believe in yourself and continue your effort. Just don’t stop that. Don’t worry about the result or the consequences. Be optimistic. Life has a very unusual way of working out in the end when you don’t even expect it too. Believe in the power of you and prayers of your mother. As long as you love yourself and are happy enough It doesn’t matter if you do not have good relations with people.

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Kavya Ganesh @kavyaganesh

Hearing that there’s a possibility everything will turn out well in the end, that gives me a lot of strength and comfort, makes me feel like I’m not kidding myself. Thank you :))
Hope you’re safe in this pandemic!


I’m safe, Thankyou . Hope you are well too! And so many good and positive things are already on your way. Just don’t lose your strength. Everything will be amazing very soon


Hey I promise everything one day is going to be alright. Truth iswe have to go through this to completely transforms ourselves. We dont carry emotions or situations we are not able to tolerate. We are capable of more. Life is going to give you sunshines or even rain if it makes you feel better. Youll do great on your test. Youll do great on relationships. You are awesome and I totally admire the way you are able to express your feelings through words.

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Kavya Ganesh @kavyaganesh

Awww thank you so much. That was reassuring 🥰😇


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