I think sometimes I subconsciously believe nothing should feel real, and these thought invade me which I’ve come to identify myself with, which makes me draw an even greater barrier between the self and the outside, to the point that elements of myself that stem from interacting with reality no longer feel mine. Although it was this way in way that didn’t bring conflict ever since I can remember. I feel maybe I am making up all these feelings and they are only there because I tend to notice them more? When I think about stuff being real it feels alien and bizarre as a concept, I don’t really know what reality is supposed to feel like. Maybe the fact that the concept is weird comes as a contrast to disconnection. Or maybe I am confusing what feels real and what doesn’t and thinking about things being real brings up the gap between me and reality. I should know what “real” feels like to know what “unreal” does? I think maybe it is just a matter of suggestion?