I think he didn't find me attractive. Okay.. it's okay. It's fine.

I need someone who want to talk with me

3am Thoughts

I feel very alone 

Khudse mohabbat kamaal ki ki thi humne,
Khudse mohabbat kamaal ki ki thi humne, 
Magar jabse mohabbat tujhse hui hai, khudse bhi mohabbat karni chhor di hai humne

I want to die but I'm scared.

Suicidal Ideation

I am single

Adulting

All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.
— 	?Article 1 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights

Other

I wanted to clear confusion in my head which has been bothering me for the past week, I don't really know what to think about it. Please do not judge me after reading the text below. 

When I was about 5 I used to go to my cousin's house a lot, there she used to make me play a game where she used to insert pencils in my private part and made me do the same to her. She made me do it whenever i visited her house. I know many must think that weren't you thought about sexual assault, well she was one of the people I trusted the most so I thought it was ok. I didn't enjoy doing that with her but was always scared of getting caught so I never told anyone. Now that I have grown up this memory keeps bothering me I don't know whether this was sexual assault or not. My mind is confused so I thought it would be better to have someone opinion 



Harassment

It's hard...life seems really hard for me and I'm well aware of the fact that people have gone through more hard and rough times than me and  have got themselves back together and kinda like picked themselves up and became successful...but no matter how hard I'm trying I'm just not able to reach out...I try to wake up early but I fail...I try to make a to do list and I fail..... it's like a deadly nightmare....
I have too many backlogs from my class and my school just gave us tones of work.. it's like they expect us to be robots...like they told us to complete our Notebooks,Do some sort of project, gave us Holidays HW and top of it complete all the Practical Notebooks....
And here I am...I have too many Backlogs from my class and it's sooo exhausting that I don't wish to sit and attend the class at all....and so I have too many Backlogs....also I have been performing badly in my tests...all this Sh#t is just making my life a hell....and I've been losing sleep...I lost all my appetite..I just feel that I'm mentally and physically exhausted..my bad mental health status have actually made me sick for a few weeks ....and believe it or not I was an A grade student last year...I scored 94.8% in my 10th boards and this makes it the worst....
This year I decided to give myself a little time so that I just don't immerse myself completely into studies because for the past few years l never went anywhere and just kept on studying even on holidays...but I am just very unlucky...I decided to visit some place far after 10th but the pandemic hit...and I just feel like I actually wasted every moment that I had....
So like I decided to do some self care but in the end I just cannot.....I feel useless and the worst..maybe I should've just been the way I was so that I wouldn't have had so many Backlogs...now I don't even know what I'm writing.....this year was really difficult and i just feel like the next year would be more difficult...
Ik you wouldn't read this much but I appreciate you  came this far... thank you...

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