I stopped taking my depression meds because I hate the idea of relying on a pill to make me happy. Am I wrong for that?

I don't feel pils are a good solution to it

Ur right but just tabs are important if Dr has prescribed it.... Take them for few days

I love my pills. It’s Wat is making me able to get through. And not lol myself. Take the pill. So what . 

No, Im also at the same stance of life and I don't fake

Why don't you try the nature and painting or music if you stop trying meds

3am Thoughts

Today I experimented with my breakfast 😅. I took boiled eggs, I added banana slices, peanut butter, honey, nachos and sugar free dark chocolate shreds to it😂. It turned out amazing 😂.

Healthy Food

I have been stress eating lately 
What to do😥

Stress

 I am missing you 🤞

There are so many things to unpack. Currently I'm feeling pressured into believing the cult like behaviour of my mother who is suffering from mental illness and its getting harder to not give into her delusional thoughts. It feels I'm trapped with no way out.

Depression

Please wish me luck guys, I've my exam tomorrow.

Exam

I'm scared to fall in love

Hi to all, I don't know at which moment each one of you is reading this but if you're sad at the moment reading this, a tight hug from me. Because these days I really want to hug someone and say them everything. I want to cry my heart out which I do everyday but this time with a hope that I will not be this sad anymore. I know if I start saying what I feel bad about you all will think aahhh again the relationship stuff just as everyone else thinks. But it changed me alot. I loved a person, I made my parents cry because of him still he failed to understand me. I changed my personality from a bubbly chick to a focussed girl who doesn't talk to guys much pr be close to them because her boyfriend felt insecure. I turned into his mother, checking on him everytime he was sad, demotivated. I clapped on every success and wiped every tear of his and even sat down in relief only when he smiled. But when I started going down the path, I started doubting my capabilities because losing on things I liked because he said I shouldn't do much of extra curricular and side gig works and focus on our placements. He remained busy in his studies and me being homesick with all my friends being busy or away I needed him and he was there. But even after being most of the time with him or over the calls I never felt he was with me. The gap of ours was increasing day by day which was killing me. I started panicking, getting nightmares that he'll leave me I'll be all alone because my parents already don't love me much because I have hurt them. I started gaining weight because of thyroid which added to things because I felt he's just tolerating me as I'm not as beautiful and thin I was. To all he denied and said it's all in my mind. I should ignore and study. We spent days and weekends together but I never felt close to him. I always felt something was missing. I started harming myself to get his attention and it worked but not much. I started getting hurt and disheartened because of that and harmed myself more. During this time I started talking to a friend of mine who had feelings for me earlier but we were clear on terms that I can't be with him. I told my boyfriend that I was talking with him with a expectation that he would get jealous and take care of me. Give me the real attention and care which I needed rather than the lunch dates and calls where I just listened and gave my views about his family issues, career plans, projects, exams and all. Days passed by but nothing was going good. I started harming myself alot, friendship with that friend of mine even spoiled, alot was happening which was painful for me to handle and I would often cry over calls with my boyfriend but he would have slept over the call even after me crying. How can someone sleep over phone when he knows a person on other side is crying but this happened for months and he justified this saying he's working hard for placements then being with me and walking around makes him tired so I should say my issues while he remains awake. Whenever I said things to him and start crying face to face he would console me but then things went to all south and he would start m****ng out with me. I even said him that how can he expect a person crying to respond to this within 10 mins then he started behaving weird. Fast forward to days. I couldn't take the relationship anymore and declared end. But we're still in touch. He got a great placement. He indirectly asks to be back but I deny because I know I can't be with him.But now I can't stop myself from thinking that because of this person I hurt my parents,left my hobbies and he couldn't even support me. Was he just for physical benefits but then why would he have done so much expenses for me, invested time and some efforts for me. If he needed this he could've got anyone for short time. Why 3 years with me. I can't erase the fact out of my brain that it was me who brought him to my college and he gained everything there from a great placement to name, status and all. And I received nothing. I am just standing at the end with a low confidence, low trust issues and alot of scars on my hand which I hide from my parents by saying lies. I still think he isn't bad. He was emotional for me, he did love me then what went wrong that he showed no care for my wounds, no attention other than just 1 day of don't do this again I don't like this because I love you  to the 1 inch deep burns I made on myself. Am I an idiot. 

Delusion

I hope I change someday , for the better .

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts