I see a lot of discrimination in so many work places. People arent treated how they should me. They are under appreciated and some are over appreciated.

Yes, this happens mostly at every work place. Some people are under appreciated for their efforts while others are more, some are paid better while others don't. This discrimination is due to us, the human beings, who are partial for each other. Avoid discrimination and appreciate those who deserve. 

Work

Why don't parents try to understand their children feeling why they always think whatever they are doing or saying is correct ...and some time they really say something very mean to there children because frustration 

Children

I told her I’m here for you and I’ll be there for you and she is now ghosting and replying like a stranger. Wooh that’s what people do when you be there for them?

Confusion

Since morning i have been feeling lonely..
It happens once in a while that i feel this way
This feeling makes me so weak that i can't concentrate on anything
But as soon as i make peace with the fact that it's okay to be alone 
No one can be there always
I feel at peace now 


3am Thoughts

Stuck in dont know what track. But its just me nd my anxiety. Was to be so full of lyf but thn i got attached nd hurt nd cycle continues forever . Where is dis pill of happiness. Whn evry smll things mkes you smile nd those mke ur heart bleed. M just a sad version geet

Depression

Any one alive?

Urge comes what you do

Sexual Health

Hearts are not made of bones. They can't break

Quotes

Last straw

Mentally I feel like I am at the end of my rope. I feel like I have the most bizarre thoughts going through my head and I often wonder if is this normal or if am I really that fucked up. I have a hard time taking these thoughts and accurately putting them and how I feel into words. On occasion, I have written them down and that seemed to help. So here I am writing them down. Maybe someone can put some of these into perspective and help me sort them out before I give up for good. When I say give up for good yes, I am talking about suicide. I know a lot of people think suicide is selfish and maybe to some extent it is but it's not like I'm acting like a child saying if I don't get what I want I'm going to kill myself. These thoughts are deep dark and extremely hard to express or even admit to others or myself that I truly feel and think this way. I am going to dig deep, very deep into my mind and write exactly the crazy thoughts that go through my head regularly. There are many avenues of my thinking but let's start with suicide. Alone, that is a keyword here. The definition of alone is having someone present. That is not the case currently or throughout my life. But alone is the only way I can describe how I feel. I have lots of people in my life. I have 3 kids, a man of sorts, a mother, sisters, brothers, friends, associates and co-workers that I interact with daily. But they don't feel present. They don't feel like they are there. I have never felt like I had someone. I have always we will say emotionally and sometimes physically taken care of myself. I never felt like there was someone in my life I could open up to, I mean open up. I talk about personal things sure but I always skirt around how it made me feel. No one made me feel like I could unburden my thoughts onto them. My family was never good at communication so I learned at a very young age you just don't talk about it. Other times I felt embarrassed that I was thinking this way, paranoid that they would think I was crazy or I didn't wanna bother them with my troubles. I have seen many therapists over time and even then I didn't open up the deepest darkest parts. The man of sorts is the first and only person I have opened up to that way. But it's not received the way I wanted it to be. Is that wrong to feel that way? Selfish, demanding that I want a different reaction than I'm getting. But that's a story for another day. All I have ever truly wanted was to feel loved, cherished, and taken care of. Like I am a person they can not live without. I have never felt that way. I have struggled long and hard with this fact. I have been in situations where I imagined that we were the case and fought to pretend like it was true, but it wasn't. I have dreamed of this person and feel like I finally am the one for as long I could remember. I have had ups and downs. There were times when I had hope that one day it will happen. I just haven't met that person yet but they will come and I will look back on the sadness and struggles in my life and be grateful that I finally am happy. And then there are the bad times like now where I have lost all hope and am facing a sad reality that this is it. There isn't going to be a real happy ending. Sure if I live another 40 years I'm sure I will have good times, maybe a moment where I was truly happy but the majority of the rest of my life will be lived feeling like a failure, not enough, with no true purpose. I will continue to walk through each day in a haze just going through the motions and not living life at all. And in the end, I will be unhappy and look back on my life and think what a waste of time. There was no real point to living all these years. For what? Just to feel miserable. It's like a person who becomes a paraplegic. Say they are paralysed from the neck down. They can't walk or eat with a tube piss in a tube shit in a bag. They can't do anything. What's the point of living? To take up space on this earth. Many times I have asked myself why am I here. What's my purpose? There has to be some reason, not to just wake up day after day go to work come home, and pay bills to take care of everyone else. Same thing over and over again. That's how I feel. Like there is no point. No reason to live. So why continue waking up day after day just to be miserable? I think that's awful, I mean it's awful to feel that way and awful that I live that way. Sure your gonna tell me if I'm unhappy then change. Well, that's easier said than done. I lived my whole life doing what everyone else wanted me to do, what I thought was the right thing to do in life, and what I should be doing. Not really what I wanted to do. I will dig deeper into this at a later time. On occasion, I did do what I wanted to do it only made things worse and pissed others in my life off. And for a moment I felt good and happy but then everyone else reactions only made me feel selfish and worse. So I spent most of my life making decisions based on what I thought others' feelings on the matter were gonna be. I realized eventually no one made decisions in their life thinking I wonder how Joan might feel about this. No one ever considered my feelings so why should I consider theirs? In the past 3 years, I have started to do what I wanted to do. Not thinking about what others were gonna think or the repercussions of my actions. And now I'm thinking I was only being selfish and I should have considered others' feelings and how my actions were going to affect them. I have lived almost my entire life taking care of everyone else. And there was a time when I felt good about doing that. I have always tried to be a good person. Sure I have done things wrong and I've made mistakes but I never tried to hurt someone or humiliate them or make them feel less than others. I know how that feels and it's mentally devastating. The hurt that's been inflicted upon me throughout the years stays with you forever. I carry it around like a birthmark but hidden so no one knows how I feel deep down inside. At one point it made me feel good. Even though others were ruthless and didn't consider my feelings I took the high road, I didn't reciprocate and I thought at the end of my life I can die knowing I was a good person. But when everyone else didn't appreciate my kindness and expected it, I started to think differently. If someone can say something humiliating to me in public why can't I do it back? Why does everyone get to make me feel horrible and less them and they get to ride away on their high horse? Why don't I get to do that? So instead of treating people the way I wanted to be treated I started treating them the way they treated me. But when I started to act that way it didn't make me feel any better, and it started to weigh on me morally. It didn't matter which way I acted I was always the loser. In one sense feel like it's not fair, why can others act terribly toward people and get away with it but I can't? They deliberately do things to hurt people and they still get the promotion or the popularity or the praise, they get the prize they are the winners. They get away with it but when I do it I'm a bad person. And then I think I don't wanna be that person anymore. I wanna go back to being a good person. But I feel like things have gotten away from me and I can't find my way back. Unlike the others who everyone loves and treats good and gets what they want, I'm now labelled a bad person for acting that way. Now I will always be seen that way. And now I feel like Everyone is pulling at me from different directions all expecting different things. I just can't do it anymore. And now I think this is it, I'm going to spend my life doing what everyone else wants to make them happy even if it means I'm going to be miserable. I've had enough. I don't wanna spend the rest of my life feeling like this, it's not fair. So I wish I could just end it. I don't want to feel alone, sad or not enough. I don't wanna feel anything anymore I just want it to be over. The fucked up thing is, I can't even kill myself because it would upset everyone else. Which makes my reality even more depressing. I'm going to live the rest of my life miserably to make others happy because if I killed myself It would be embarrassing for them they will have to live with that stigma and the whispers behind their back. And because I don't want anyone to feel bad in any kind of way, I'm going to wake up at least one more day, just to please everyone else. Is that normal thinking or am I crazy?

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts