I regrate being alive, I want to scream at the top of my lungs and let all my pain go away...

It’s okay I used to feel like this and I promise it goes away, sometimes you go numb, but as each day passes it will get better. Please never give up

Heyy!!

I just wanna give you a big virtual hug and tell you that everything is gonna be alright! 

Take Care!

It gets better. Stick through it. It only gets better. 
Whether a relationship or you in your own mind, it always gets better. Sometimes it has to get bad first before it gets good. Remember that. Love you all ❤

Motivation

I'm really overwhelmed by all the things that i am supposed to be doing. I'm overthinking everything. 

3am Thoughts

Put your energy into the right people 

I am this close to running away. 🤏🏻
#Draptomaniac 

i'm starting to believe that some things happens for a reason. like the covid-19. a lot of people, most of people during the pandemic got depressed, some learned things from their selves. we all deal with it in different ways. we all experiences different struggles during that time. but it shaped us into who we are today. some don't like who they were today, some are thankful because it made them who they are today. it's a blessing in disguise as a curse (?). we all thought that it's the end of us. because who tf can make it out a month by just staying at home and home only? not being able to go out and only seeing the same faces everyday. from my personal experience, it's really a curse. i got depressed at a very young age, i don't want to open up because i'm young, I AM YOUNG, they won't believe me. i have no right to be depressed who wtf i am depressed of? i have no right to be tired because i'm just scrolling through my phone all day, sleeping, and eating. i'm harming myself, because it's the only way i can cope up with the pain. i shut people. i even hurt people unintentionally. months became a year, and year. the depression disappears but it never goes away. it doesn't come back because in the first place it never left. one minute you are happy, and a minute after you are sad, and so on. until we we're allowed to got out. u know they say change is the only constant thing in the world and it's true. u know it's not the same as it was. my friends changed. the environment changed. everything changed. i changed. i became dull. i am no longer the same person i used to be. until everything is quite back to normal. i survived the pandemic. i kind of enjoy my life. then came another tragedy. our city got hit by a typhoon. we lost our electricity, thankfully not our house. it's much worst than the pandemic, no electricity, no mobile phone. i never thought that i would make it. this one really changed me. i did a lot of things, mostly bad things. i learned how to smoke (actually i already know how to smoke before the typhoon but bc of the typhoon, i'm always smoking), i always drink, makeout with people, almost not at home, my family's always mad at me and i'm always thinking that they dont want me to be happy, that they're so selfish because they just want me in our house but turns out im the selfish one. i'm out having fun thinking that i'm happy while they're at home praying for my safety. later on, im questioning myself if am i really happy?? or i'm just distracting myself with the noice to forget about the reality? that's when i realized that im so wrong. i spent my time at our house, rethinking about life and there i realized a lot of things. lots of things that i still carry until now, things that made me who i am today. so i truly believe that some things happens for a reason. and i may not believe in fate or destiny but i believe that we are fated to do the things we'd choose anyway. if that makes sense. que sera sera.

Personal Growth

I am 19 and my family wont let go of me.

I struggle so much with depression and .. ideation. Especially during the pandemic since just when i was starting to be okay with myself, everything changed. There was so much change. Therapy is too expensive for me so i cant do it consistently. Recently ive tried to be brave and go back to school after a 2 year break. Ive been trying to go back to art too. Ive been focusing on taking care of myself but recently ive been realizing all this is futile if i have no hold of my own life. I knew something is seriously wrong with me and how i view myself bc when i finally made some art after such a long time, i liked it a lot, then when i tried to make another thing literally right after, i couldnt bring myself to finish it. Its literally a sketch right next to a finished pieced. My hand was shaking and there was a voice at the back of my head telling me i am not an artist, i cant draw, im not a real creator, even if i made a really good piece literally just minutes ago. It was right in front of me. Ive been creating even during my whole hiatus yet i still view myself like this. I knew i needed change. Change of pace, change of environment. But i cant have that without my family's approval, without independence. 

Ive been trying to gradually ease their minds into the idea of letting me commute, at least teaching me how to so that i hhav more options than theyre giving me. But they cant let me go, especially my dad. I think hes struggling with this a lot. But its killing me so much, i cant do anything. I am so stuck. They arent prioritizing this because they dont take it seriously enough. I feel llik i am only living for them at this point. Ive tried everything i could do for myself within the house, but i need change and ive needed this for a while now. What should i do? 

How does one stop overthinking and constant feeling of being overwhelmed?

Not even movies are having happy ending nowadays ;)

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts