I really want to repair my relationship with my dad. It’s fucked up. We don’t like to see each other i guess. Everytime we are in this same room, we argue with each other over the silliest topics. He’s always trying to be dominant. Actually he has got very impressive communication skills. He can inufluence anyone!
During my early teenage, i did so many misktakes(like most of chdrn do), he used to catch me up and Idk why but i started hating him since then, or i can say I just lost the connection. All that comes to my mind is he himself has done all such things. He was still into these things a few months back. I was so young that tym, I came to know about the girl he was hvng an affair with. I still don’t know the whole story. I just heard his big brother telling my mom about it. I never got an answer i could have believed. Since last 7 years, he is into gambling. He stopped this just 2 months back, when he found himself in a debt of 3lakhs. H doesn’t comtribute much to the family financially. Though he is hard working he doesn’t get the things in a way. He’s clever! He never ever lets his ego down. Even if he’s wrong, he has the power to dominate! I hate that! I don’t like my mom being dominated by a man who has lost his worth in our eyes. Bacho ko samblane ki umr m vo khud distarct ho rhe h. How can he expect us to do all the things in a way he wants? He has not done much for us. It’s my mother who’s working, feeding us all. Why do woman choose to stay in such relationships? She deserves better, much better than she’s actually getting. Those teenage things might have hurt him. But talking to guys at during my growth years, was it really wrong? He over reacted all the times. He made me feel like yesss, he had the authority over me. Everyone has the right to have prsnl space! He kept on interrupting in it, always! I too taunt him for being like this, like you have never done things for us, you are livinv your life, you are this and that, i do speak it, something in me makes me speak all this. When he tries to dominate, i remember all things he did! He made us feel insulted in front of the entire family because of his habit of gambling. Now he plays ludo wth girls of my age and has tld my mom that they are his sisters(he met them online). So that means even i can be someone’s sister and do all the things i want to. But nooo, then he’ll stand to judge me! How can it work?
During pamdemic, he is serving as an ambulance driver too, 500 per day! We were against it, family m ppl were ill, we didn’t want to risk it, pr he didn’t listen to any of us.One day when he returened back, he added into our conversation that i don’t want to hear it from you and your mother i don’t do anything for you. We both stayed quiet then. Next week, he kept 7000rs in the kitchen, handing over to mom. I didn’t want her to take. We kept in my dad’s bag in which he is collecting money so as to pay those 3lakhs. He knows it. He’s still serving as a driver, he’s still trying to dominate us. Lemme mention that he is the owner of few hectares of land(kille), he doesn’t use it. He believes in saving for me and brother, securing our future. When will the tym come for future? If in present, we are suriving like this, how can we expect our future to be safe? Aren’t we all meant to live in the present? For a random argument again, we aren’t talking. How can i mend it all? Is it even in my hands? Even i m frustated. I want to polish it all, but idk how!
First of all sending you lots of strength and love
You’ve been really strong to get over all this.
Now there is nothing much you can do,
Don’t try to worsen it ( Since you’ve to take care of your mother and worsening the situation will affect her as well )
Don’t try to repair it overnight ( because it will demand a lot of energy as he is being stubborn person)
Best you can do is to take care of yourself and your mother and take a resolve to make things better for you and your mother
Divert all your energy on self improvement and do well professionally, that’s how you can ease the pain for yourself and mumma
There is no point of wasting your energy otherwise , your relationship with your father will improve over time
But if you lose yourself in this family issue you’ll not be in a stronger position to help them in future
Take care of yourself
You’ve been strong , you’ll be strong
Lots of love and strength to you
I’m so glad that you’ve realised that you want repair that relationship with your dad. That’s the first and biggest step that you’ve already taken. Try to sometimes put yourself in his shoes.
Another thing that no one would tell you is work on yourself every single day. Try to introspect. When you change, your environment changes. I’m sure it’ll have a positive effect on your relationship with him too.
Take baby steps, be kinder. He is a human being and he will make mistakes. Right now, he needs your support more than anything. He’s already too burdened. Put yourself in his shoes, he might be feeling so many things, he might be feeling like a failure in his own self. You cant make him feel that way more. By blaming him, you’re worsening his pain. It’s traumatizing to fail at this age. He must have thought about so many things in life that he wanted to do. He didn’t do this purposely, trust me. He wished he could give you everything you wished for today.
Look at the positive things. He’s still trying every single day. He’s working as a driver, collecting those pennies.
You have one life and just one father. Life is too unpredictable my love. My boyfriend recently lost his dad and it’s truly heart breaking.
I’m talking out of experience, I have the same issues but the only thing I changed in me is that I stopped blaming my father and my family. I know I have the power to change things around. I’ll work on myself and provide my dad everything that he was never able to give us, everything he lost. I can’t make him feel like a failure. It’s just me who can change this situation around.