i really just want my dad to love me

Frustration

I wish my dad talked to me more. 

Family

My dad is literally such an asshole

Abusive fathers belong to a special place in hell.

Anxiety

I don’t like my dad at all he’s not a good human being.

Relationships

My dad gets irritated easily when I immediately give response to him then he yells at me, swears at me😔.

Which person should i trust more.... The one who loves me unconditionally but when he is in anger he keeps a bat near to my skin who tells me to shut up and keeps ranting? He is my father. His anger overcomws the love and affects my mom and me. 

Heyy
So i'm a professional tennis player and have been playing since i was 5 and now i'm 19, 'm a 2 time gold medalist is the nationals and a bronze medalist in the SGFI Asian games. My dad has been my coach since i was 7, and i am so grateful cause if it wasn't for him i would have never reached so many milestones. But the thing is he never ever says anything good he is always criticizing never once said he's proud of me,never says i do a good job and if a ask he says he's just making me stronger. We don't have a daughter father relationship, we have a coach student relationship and it hurts so much. I have also sacrificed so much never went out it was always tennis tennis tennis i love the sport don't get me wrong it's just i would like to have a dad rather than having a coach all the time. I can't have a proper convo with him without it turning into a fight and without it being something tennis related. I get so jealous when i see my friends hanging out with their dads . 
Sometimes all i need is my dad not a coach. 

My dad cheated

He’s someone I look up to, he’s smart and funny, but he cheated on my mom and my mom found out. He has impotence problem, and he didn’t want to let my mom find out, he always go out to drink with his friends, and one day he got drunk and had sex with a pub woman, he said it was a mistake. he then tried to have sex with her four times again but due to his impotence problem, he couldn’t. He told us that he has this impotence problem and he didn’t want to let my mom knows becos of his ego. So he settled to try to go out to have sex with this woman to fix his problem? I feel so bad for my mom, she found out her husband cheated and she doesn’t know what to do. What would you do if you were me? Will you forgive your dad? Or follow your mom’s decision to divorce? Or tell your mom the “truth”? 

Anyhow, I don’t understand why would my dad cheat for a reason like this. Is this an excuse? I never imagined something like this to happen to our family, I can’t imagine how devastated my mom must be feeling.

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