I really feel  so so vulnerable right now !! We just sold the gold rings and ornaments right now this were the only things I had of my grandpa and uncle I really loved them  !! It is so bad to  to let go of this things you have an emotional attachment with especially when they are not with you !!!

yes last year my uncle had brain stroke !  Everything collapsed our family , our savings everything !! we borrowed money  from our relatives and now to return them we  have to sell our property and ornaments ... never thought money would be so so important that our respect is based on how much money we have .... my grand ma feels so bad like she had a respectful place in our community family as my grand pa was the head of it but now everything is so different she does not feel like going out like she feels so bad for asking money we used to spend money like ek short trip pe 10k aaram se spend hojata tha but I have seen my grand ma taking that 10k from someone else e do not even know !! Charity is the word that rips my heart !! I felt so bad that I could not even help them !  Not for me but I feel so bad about my granny like she saw her son  fighting for life , he was so so critical and now paralyzed for the whole life  , seeing the hospital bill of 60 lakhs , family taunting her for her sons bad habits , daughter in law left as he can not have children anymore , like pura life jisne sabko diya ho uuse old age mai mangna pade is worst ..... This are the worst days of my life seeing my family struggle .

Heyyyy guysss i am back again with my pity party 
  So my best friend we'll call him mango for now (because i like mangos) makes no sense anyway , so this my friend he ignores me as u know and he won't mag if i don't msg him or after a day or two without any communication he will come back saying you forgot about me and you found someone else . I miss him a lot but he's not ready to tell me anything he's suddenly very distant from me .i am recovering from very bad self harm addiction and he was the one who motivated me the most for stop cutting now i feel very dull and relapsing again and again i don't know what to do anymore.  Sometime he acts like he loves me and cares for me a lot and sometimes its like he doesn't even care about me.  I don't know what to do at rhis point

Addiction

Hello, lovely. You did good today! ^^

Affirmations

I wanna take my father out for dinner and take care of him. I wanna spend my time with him but I don’t have a job yet so he’s not treating me right and is mean to me.

Adulting

You’ve become so damaged 
That when someone
Wants to give you
What you deserve
You have no idea
How to respond 

3am Thoughts

A relationship of 7 months did alot of damage to me so i can't even begin to comprehend how much you are hurting....relative to yours, my relationship was not long, but still i cant seem to bear the weight of the pain on my chest....buddy, why dont we guys start livinh for ourself.....support ourself like we support ourself, give ourself time and space that we give to others, lets start treating ourselves with the passionate love we used to do to our partners......saying all these things was easy but i still need to imply all these in my life as welll, so brother ill only say that you stay hard....bcoz its about drive, its about power 😁

I don’t really have anyone to talk to. 
It is so hard for me to connect with people lately and I realized it’s been this way ever since I moved away from my friends 4 years ago (parents choice not mine.) The last time I felt like someone genuinely cared about me was back then. And it’s so hard for me to care about anyone if I don’t feel it reciprocated because it’s like a defense mechanism: oh u don’t really care so now I am going to immediately drop all feelings I had for u (platonically) and pretend i never liked u at all so that it doesn’t hurt when u act/show u don’t care that much. It’s like that. What I want and what I’ve wanted for so long is to have a person. I’m their person and they are mine and we both mean the world to each other. I think I got this idea from movies and shit and it’s stuck with me and made me miserable 

I just want to let this out. So just sharing it here. I don't know what I'm saying is right or not.
So there is a person who i knw since childhood, since i was vey small. He is a neighbor also kind of a relative. I never heard anything bad about him. He has always been good to me and my family as well. My family loves him and trusts him so much. But very recently i don't know i feel something not okay with him. Since me and my family has been living in another place we don't see him quite often now but my grandparents see him. So i have some baby relatives kind of cousins who are just 2 and their family lives near to his home. And he is so familiar and loved by this family. They trust his so much that even they let him take this babies just for fun for few a time. He would take them and buy them ice creams and then drop them back very soon. Sometimes he takes them just for a ride to his home where there is his mom also and plays with them. Apparently the kids father works abroad. I mean when i was a baby as well he had also taken me with him and we used to have fun. Maybe I'm just over analysing things since I'm grown and now about things happening in this society i feel so anxious about him taking these kids now. I may be totally wrong. I don't remeber at all having any sort of bad experience. He has aways been a nice person. It's just that i feel something, i mean i don't want anything bad to happen with my relatives babies.
I'm just getting this off my chest. Don't judge me please.

Confusion

In April I broke up with my girlfriend because I was too scared to admit that I'm having suicidal thoughts. Because I promised her at the begging of our relationship that I will not kill myself, I decided that when I broke up with I would be free to end my life. She was the only reason why I was fighting with my demons. Unfortunately I survived my sucide attempt and I started feeling even worse because I knew that I fucked up and that I hurted her because I was a fucking egoist. 

After a few weeks I finally talked about this with my best friend. I asked her if she knows how my ex is doing. I asked her if they are in touch because I was worried about her. She LIED to me and told me that they don't really text. Maybe one text per week. Well. I believed her. She was always telling me that she all her friendships trough internet weren't really working because she's not that type to text a lot. Well, I believed her. Event tho I was hurt because she was texting me only when she wanted to meet up with me. 

After a few weeks I found out the truth. They're were texting almost 24/7 and my ex was planning on visiting her for few days. 

I was so angry that I texted my friend and told her how I'm feeling about this. She was again lying to me.  She was trying to make me feel bad because I was feeling betrayed. I told her that this is the end of our friendship. She wasn't even trying. 

At that time I felt like everything is falling apart. I lost my two most important people in life. 

At the end of June I texted my ex to explain everything (I wanted to write a letter for her on the day where we started dating). But I found out that she was visiting my ex bff that day. So I texted her with this letter. I told her the truth. I did this because I wanted to kill myself. She said that she understands, that she wants to help me. She told me that she loves me and she want to try again. 

After that we stopped texting. But on a group chat where I was, my ex, my ex bff and a few other people the two of them were 24/7 trying to make me feel even worse. I was crying every day and every night because I was so tired of this. 

A few days ago my ex bff visited my ex gf. They were posting photos together. Then I found out that they're together. 

Since that day I started overeating, crying most of my time and not being able to do anything. Last Saturday I tried to kms again. It's Wednesday and I'm slowly losing myself. I just can't. I just want this pain to stop. I'm alone. I don't have anyone. I'm so scared. I want to end my life but I'm so fucking scared . 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts