I quit CA but inside me i have a feeling like did i made a mistake now ?? I don't know 

Wanna someone to be open 

3am Thoughts

What is the best thing to being happy

Music

I'm so scared rn. My 3 year old isn't feeling well. I'm so scared something might be wrong it's just a bad feeling. I don't know how to get over it

Children

My parents have travelled abroad and it’s been two weeks now. Me and my sister are living together and we were doing fine until few days back. I don’t know what it was I was in super irritable mood and she was annoying me so I got angry and just locked myself in a room. She came and knocked on my door asking if wanted to have lunch but I was still pretty pissed off so I said no. Then she got angry and smashed something at the door, when I opened to see what happened, she screamed at me. I don’t think anyone has screamed at me like that before not even my parents shouted at me so bad. I was even more frustrated, angry and pissed. I shut the door and locked myself in the room and lost it. I smashed up few things. She heard all of these and started cursing at me to open to door. I don’t know what happened after that, I saw a paper cutter in my stationary stand, I just took it, opened the door and slashed my wrist. She saw that and slapped me twice on my face hard. No one has ever raised their hand on me, not my parents, no one. Not even their voice.
I did not even realise I cut myself purposely. I did not even think I would do such a stupid thing. I’m not a person to become so weak. I don’t know what happened, everything seems so blur to me. I don’t know what to do. I have been beating up myself about it. I have not been eating properly, sleeping excessively even studying and working out doesn’t seem to be doing any good for me. I have my exams coming up in 5 days, I haven’t been able to concentrate. All I can think about what has happened, why did I do it, I never do these kind of things no matter how difficult things are. And sometimes dark thoughts creep in.
I just don’t understand was it wrong of to be get angry in the first place, aren’t I allowed to cool myself down. I know myself, if I’m angry or annoyed I just lock myself away for a while and get back up again. Don’t I get some time off to be calm.
Honestly I’m scared, I’m really scared. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t what to do. I don’t know if I should tell my parents about cutting myself. They know we fought and she hit me all but not about this. I don’t know what to do next. Should I get help?


Depression

gutted. lost. numb. dont know where to go in life, never had any healthy relationship with anyone. every relationship seems so much work, i just wish it could be easy. taking Ls since forever. at the lowest of the low but still reaching new lows every week. 

Adulting

Have you ever been in blind date. Well i have been on a normal date but always wanted to go on a date or converse with someone with them seeming to know how I look just knowing how i talk with them . Anyone up with such a blind date/ blind conversation where you don't know what the person looks like even then you seem to be with that person.

College

Samajh ni aarha m kya feel kr rhi hui abhi. Aj ek bhut ajeeb chiz hui m phone band krke sone k lia leti hi thi ki mummy raat me upr aayi dawai khane kuki unke teeth me dikkat ho rhi thi pura muh suj rha tha.. or dawai khate hue unke gale me goli atak gyi.. or vo ajeeb trha se khasne lagi unko saas aana band ho gya or vo chalte hue mere pass ayi awaj dene ka try kr rhi thi pr m unki awaj sun ni pai unhone mere upr pani feka pani mere muh pr gira m achanak daar gyi kya ho gya.. m khadi hui unse pucha kya hua unhone isharo me btaya goli fas gyi.. m turant gilas le kr rasoi ki taraf bhagi pani lene.. pani laa kr diya tb unko saas aaya bhai bhen niche se bhag kr aaye mummy ko pani pene k lia bola or bathaya  thoda pith pr haath mare tb jakr goli gale se nikli. Samajh hi ni aaya ek dm se kya hua vo ajeeb se feeling or daar maan me beth gya.. thodi der baad bhai bhen unko niche le kr gye mere to maano hath per se jaan hi nikal gyi ho. Vo ek paal itna bhari tha ki sari duniya mano ulti ho gyi ho meri. Maan me bs yhi tha agr kuch ho jata ho kya hota. 

Other

They don't wanna hear the truth
They want to see a monster
They want to see a black gorilla 
Beat on his chest like Wakanda
Anything will be done to see a Hancock on a paper-thin 
Anything will b done to coherence my deepest sin
This system is built different, its built to keep em in 
Its built to lay down the darkest of darkest brown skin

No DNA, just the coerced confessions 
 Parkview but there is no park to view 
The park is miles away where kids are still shot 
The bodies viewed in caskets that parents can’t afford
What will wash away the white chalk


Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts