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I particularly don’t know how to feel about today or any day in particular.
I have anxiety, depression(severely) and I have been to a therapist, got pills ‘to cure my head’ as said by everyone. Now it seems I depend on such pills to be happy or not feel anything at all. I am afraid of what is inside my head or what controls my emotions and feelings.
I have a great love life. I have a boyfriend who tries his best when it comes to holding me when I want to cry out and listening to me, sometimes, hurting me as because I get so deep in the anxiety and he doesn’t know the feeling, sometimes not noticing and I don’t blame him. Point blank, its hard for anyone to understand these feelings who haven’t gone through it or haven’t faced such in their life. I don’t blame him but I know I hurt him in the process to protect myself.
What makes me this way?
If I would be some superstitious being I would blame it on my past life or stars perhaps, but I am not, can’t even blame my pain to the non-existent realm as most people do.
I am the second child to my family. First being my brother.
What can I complain of? Criticism, humiliation, embarrassment.
Imagine nobody knows when you have a high fever even if you are right before their eyes saying it aloud and your brother being taken to the hospital because of a paper cut. Cuts?
I have slit my left-hand every time I couldn’t just bear the emotional pain for which I became the laughing stock of the family. My anger grew to my parent’s ignorance and my brother’s growing ego. This anger was tantrum and I gave up saying anything to anyone.
The story is deeper than this. To what happened to when I was five to today.
At some point I want to leave, never give up, but leave.

4 replies

I can never relate to what u r going through . but if u were my sister i would say,U came alone to this place. to never give up is tough but u are brave. though u struggled you are able to speak out . what ever you have achieved, be it a tiny one ,u earned it. to hurt yourself for the doing of others is not the right and to harm them in any way is also not a solution. only remember your loved ones ,the close ones who are beside you ,who want you to be happy and safe. be for them ,be there for you.
your sis.


Hello i can totally relate to this brother thing i have an elder brother who like a baby to everyone more to that I don’t know why my parents think that i am strong and I will handle things on my own just because it’s hard for me to share, hard for me to explain. Even i have an amazing relationship everyone thinks that we’re perfect but deep down there’s something missing in my life. There’s a void I cannot explain. And if someone will see my life as a whole they will say that this void , this sadness is fake because according to them i have everything. Even my family is weird it’s like they care about mental health and at they same time they don’t do anything about it. I just hope one day it just stops


Hello, thank you for sharing a bit (and a lot) about you. Somehow knowing I am not alone in this fight with myself gives me assurance that I can make it. There are things many don’t understand who don’t face it calling it tantrums, though I am now better at not saying anything and keeping it to myself, its hard sometimes right?


Yesss it’s really really hard


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