Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I often feel like a failure, like a total underachiever. Because i plan things too much, i rehearse the conversations i will have whenever i hang out with x person on monday, i make lists of what i can’t forget to say or do, i start to imagine where we’ll go, what we will do… even tho i have no idea weather that’s gonna happen or not. I set my expectations above the sky and it only ends in disappointment and a huge underwhelming feeling. I get excited for everything but nothing ever goes as i plan and it always feels like it’s my fault. I try so hard but it’s never enough and i don’t know if i’m the one who should be trying harder but i asume i am so i force myself until i’m at the edge and nothing makes me feel better. Then i realize that maybe i should just let things flow instead of always trying to have control but i don’t know how to do that and i don’t know if that’s actually the right thing to do…