Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I needed something to vent my feelings out that I am struggling to cope with.
It’s kiddish and weird and somewhere amongst the journey of adulthood as well…I read or probably heard somewhere as well that writing your feelings or what you are going through helps in stabilizing your mind. I mean, back in my school days I used to have a journal where I used to pen down my feelings. I forgot, but I think it helped me for a while. So writing things for my mental health and not for anyone to read!

So here it goes, I met a person at my workplace with whom I connected instantly…Well, I am his boss though! I know I know…I don’t know maybe I shouldn’t have fallen for him! At the outset, it felt both ways…He did gestures and things which felt real and I really thought he looks into something real with me. Little, did I know…things will change after 2 months drastically…like the stock market crashing like crazy…red red red red!

Reason? Unknown…But he acknowledged he is commitment phobic! What I mean to say…It’s absolutely normal to be commitment-phobic but at least communicate to the person in your super early stages…when she was being vulnerable with you.

Being a boss/leader…and being in a relationship with your colleague and complicating things makes no sense. That night you were different, I thought you really meant everything that you said…When did I ask? “Do you think you have fallen in love” You confidently looked deep into my eyes and shared you DO! and I believed everything like an idiot! A pure idiot sheep falling into the lies of the hound. Little did I know, you only wanted to sleep with me and create a phase in your new city life! Affection was gone…I feel angry on myself…not because you slept with me and wanted to continue to fulfill your desires till you get tired of me…!
Wow, I could really feel the rage inside me while I write this…:) I was almost about to break my keyboard…I guess, yeah, venting helps!

Just new additions:
I broke up with you, but the very next day, I was trying to fix things with you. But you chose not to respond and ignore me while you read my messages. I met you yesterday night…I explained the reason I chose to break up because you clearly decided to hurt my feelings saying…you will never be with me in the future, there is no chance no option.

You were just waiting for me to call it off so that you can get the opportunity to go away :)
I will never forget this :) “I respected your decision when you made it, now please respect mine I don’t wanna go back, and nothing ever will change my decision”

You explored my vulnerabilities, you knew everything about me, and then consciously chose to hurt me and break me.