I missed an opportunity with one of the most beautiful women ever and now I'm with someone for 5+ years I still wish I had taken that chance 😭

Relationships

I hate it when i miss him... Why can't i get him out of my mind?? I can go all day telling myself i don't care about him. There are times when i genuinely don't care about him and im just having fun. But when the night arrives, i get so restless... Especially in the evenings. Its difficult, a part of me still wants to believe in him. I would be a idiot to still do that after he was cheating on me so long ...... I had just blocked him everywhere.... That part makes me doubt my decision... 
What if there was another path?
What if it could have been done another way??
What if i was wrong??
What if he genuinely loves me???
Why the fuck is he still trying to contact me some how???
This is so fucking hard... Anyone going through a heart break and trying to move on, honestly deserves a medal..   🏅

Breakup

Soon to be out
Title: Shattered Hearts: The Devastating Consequences of Breakups.

Discover the heart-wrenching aftermath of breakups, from the initial spark of love at first sight to the overwhelming emotions of confusion, rejection, and despair. Explore the consequences of hatred and selfishness that can tear relationships apart, leaving shattered hearts in their wake.

3am Thoughts

Aao kuch v bat krte hy...

I'm planning on detaching from my whole family and my friends....I want to move me and my kids somewhere new. Fresh start away from all this negative energy, toxic waste energy, & manipulation. I'm over it. It's crippling.... especially when they don't fckin stop. For years until now I have to endure it because *I AINT SHIT*. I'm tired of it. I'm actually so sick and tired of it. One moment I'm doing so great and the next I'm beat down by these certain people......they use my own kids against me because I don't want to do what they want me to do....and because I don't raise them the way they want......after that fight with my mom and her telling me I'm no longer ANYTHING to her. I believe it. So I'm gunna take me and my kids far away. We don't need this kind of energy. How many times have my parents forced me to quit multiple jobs because they think I'm trying to avoid my kids🤔....my kids dad gives me sucha hard time just to even watch them.....also forced to quit school......smh.....that was OUR ticket to a better life........Im left with nothing AGAIN.......I have to start from scratch AGAIN. I worked so hard to get where I am....and idk how I can let it crumble from other people.....idk......I want to cry out of frustration.........feeling so damn defeated right now......

Anxiety

How casual and short term relationship look like 

Mujhe khushi hai ki tum meri life mai aai and give some meaning to my life but i also know that ki ek din tum mujhe chhod ke chali jaogi or is baat ka mujhe jara bhi afsos nahi hoga or naa bhi mai tumko rukne ko bolunga or naa hi bhagwan se yeh magunga ki yeh pal bass yahi ruk jai haa tohdi takleef jarur hogi kuch din tumhare bina dil bhi nahi lagega itne dino mai tumhari aadat si ho gai hai mujhko wo tumhara meri care karna subha mere uthne par mere liye coffee lana or fir hamari baato mai wo coffee ka thanda ho jana janti ho mera diyaan kabhi tumhari baato mai reheta hi nahi tha bass tumko baat karte dekhna pasand tha kuch time lagega mujhe khud se khud ko milane mai itne dino se mai tumhara jo tha par ek request hai tumse bass muje aise tanha mat chhod ke jana humne jo yaade saath banai thi unme se kuch mere naam kar jana kyuki mai tumhare jane ke baad akela toh rehe sakta hu par mai tanha nahi rehena chahata hu tum hamesha se aajad rehena chahati thi or apne sapne pura karna chahati ho or yahi baat hamari tai bhi hui thi ki hum ek dusre ko rokenge nahi mai tere se aakhri baar bolna chata hu ki i love u itna ki teri khusi ke liye mai tuze rokunga bhi nahi bass jate waqt piche mud ke mat dekhna mai nahi chata ki tu tuzhe aaj rota hua dekhe acha suno tumhari yeh pitcher jo humne tumhare birthday par click kari thi tum apne saath hi le jao isme piche hamare names likhe hai isko kisi frame mai laga ke mera naam chupa dena jisse isko dekh ke tumhe meri yaad naa  aai mai bhi kosis karunga mujhe tumhari yaad naa aai kosis karunga aakhe band karu toh tumhara chehra dikhai na de kosis karunga koi song sunte time tumhari aawaz naa sunai de baate toh bahot kheheni hai par ab tumne jana chahiye tumhari train ka time ho gaya hai mai bhi chalta hu ab apna diyaan rakhna 

Overthinking

Sore throat hurts 💀I've been coughing since two days fml 😭koi bta doh kya karu

Physical Health

How I feel today is confusing, the horrific feeling that I am going through is not easy to put into words. 

I miss my ex, way too much. Well you could say that they and I have had many troubles together. It started of with us knowing each other for 2 months, they broke up with me and I was so hurt by it. That night and almost the whole week I bailed my eyes out like there was no tomorrow. Eventually after a week they started to date someone else, which made it even harder for me. I tried to move on, but nothing worked. It’s been 6 months, and I did not move on completely. You see, me and them have been through so much after our relationship. The first time they cut me off : a week later an old friend of mine texted me and said that they were having a panic attack, begging me to help them out because they didn’t know what to do. My ex decided to unblock me and I spoke to them, it was 2 am and we kept talking until 5. They told me that they missed me and that they were sorry. The second time it was because they saw me talking shit about them when they broke up with me, I was hurt and I wanted to make them look bad in my eyes so that I would be able to move on, but not even that worked. How they found out? They were on my account because I asked them to do something, then they promised me not to read me and my best friend’s dm, but they ended up doing that and scrolling 2 months back. After that they dmed me and were sorry, we missed each other too much. There was where the false hope started, they told me that I was the love of their life, that I was their drug, for them 2 weeks later to date someone else. That hurt. Not a week later they told me to tell me what was wrong and I didn’t want to talk about how I felt, because I felt guilty. After I told them that I’d wait for them, they blocked me. Many things happened after that, way too many. People kept sending them anonymous tells “You did them wrong.” “You are heartless” , it hurt me as well because of me, they had to receive that from some anons who I don’t even know. That night they texted me and told me to keep my minions away. I told them that I didn’t send anyone to them. They got mad and we had a whole fight, they said that I was manipulative and some other hard words. Then I was shocked, I was messed up. I gave them an apology. Then again we were friends again after a week. And now? Because I have an “unhealthy obsession” with them + I was avoiding talking about my feelings with them, they decided to cut me off again. It didn’t hurt that much, but today it hurts more than ever. I don’t know what to do about it, it’s been 6 months. 

I want to move on, but I don’t know how to. 

I would like to appreciate everyone in this community who is actively taking care of themselves and prioritising their mental health before anything else!🌻

It is totally okay and human to be vulnerable and seek for help💖

Give yourself a warm hug today🫂🤗



Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts