I miss you soooooo much bhaiyaa
U were the best brother, the most amazing one... 
How much I wish you were here today with me, holding on to my hand, guiding me through it all 
You being there at my 18th birthday, was never a privilege I thought would be snatched from mee

I still remember the day of the POP and how happy you were, indeed how happy we all were
Little did we know that it was the beginning of a life which I would regret to live
Bahutt yaad aati hai aapki bhaiyaa, the pain becomes unbearable sometimes... But I still try to hold on
Tears are still rolling down my eyes as I jot down my feelings which I buried deep down within myself three years ago,  still trying to figure out a way in this world where you promised you'll stay by my side forever 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 but left me all to myself... 

I know it's just a matter of time before we meet again but the next time i want you by my side till the end ❤🦋💐

Thank you, it means a lot to me...
🦋🧡🌟🥲🥺

And everytime I think of him I try not to, but every single time I get reminded of how elated and how proud he was during his piping ceremony, only if he and all of us knew what was to come... 💞🥺

It actually was my 18th birthday today, and that's the reason I was missing him a hell lot more today but thank you for your kind words, you really are a good soul! 
💛🦋👏👏

Thank you, aapke kind words are more than enough for me... Thanks again for making me feel good! 👍✨🌺

Memories

Always be your beautiful self no matter how ugly it gets.

Life


Me and my ex broke up 2 weeks ago because it was getting rough between us so we ended and i told him i still love him no matter what and he said that he didn’t wanted this to be a goodbye and he would be there for me and that he is not going to disappear but then days later he block my number idk bc i was posting pics and he didn’t wanted them to see it idk… but now today my friend found him on a dating app recently new and i texted him about it saying that was messed up from him getting a dating app after getting out of a relationship and i didn’t expect that from him the block him 
and i’m just overthinking about it now why would he do that…

Breakup

⚡💞⚡💞⚡💞⚡💞⚡💞🤔💞💞💞💞⚡💞💞⚡💞

Alcohol

I was in a very bad mentally, verbally and emotionally abusive, manipulative relationship. I admit even I was in a pretty  bad place too and I stayed with her trying to prove to everyone that I'm a good guy, I'm loyal, that I too deserve to have someone. It was pretty bad and I would wake up everyday wishing I were dead. I had no friends in college. I am pretty thin and I behave completely in an unacceptable manner like I just do whatever I like to and this was never liked by anyone and didn't bother me much. I hated myself for everything I was not, cus this girl would wouldn't even hesitate to look at someone attractive and just tell that if that guy asks her out she would leave me and go. I didn't have friends so to run away from all this I would like literally give my life to any new person i would meet. I used to run away everywhere just to get away from her and she would cry so much just to make me look like a bad guy in front of everyone and I would feel like I deserved this and I would hurt myself more by cutting myself cus I'd make her cry, I would run off to god knows where places. Since I never knew what it was like to having a friend, I was made to believe that the only way that I'd make a friend is by putting myself through bad things for them. I've gotten beaten up, stamped on, completely fucked up, just so that I can have a friend. That relationship of mine ended after more than a year full of abuse, lies, manipulation, self hatred cutting myself, hurting myself. One day this One guy,whom I thought of as my friend, once called me and told he hadn't eaten anything and that he had run away from his house so I took my food and gave it to him to eat and I myself didn't eat anything the entire day n I was with him he just told he needed my phone to make a call and took my phone n asked me to wait n just took off along with my phone  I was sitting in a main road full of vehicles crying and not one person around me asked what's wrong. I went to help a guy who was hungry and who I thought was my friend and I had no money too and I was left there without food, phone, no college bag and no money I just walked off from there. This is just a part of what has happened. Through anything, not one person would come and ask me how I was even though they'd seen me suffer, I didn't feel safe around even one person to even tell them what was happening. So after that relationship ended, I joined degree and I'd made a group of friends, we were 8 in total I guess and it was fun. But then suddenly one guy just said to remove me from their group and guess what ? I was removed, without any hesitation. I was just an 18 year old kid when this happened. I took up drinking, getting high, popping tablets from then. It was either get drunk too much till I can stand, get high too much or pop a sleeping tablet and I would search for anything and everything just so that I don't ever have to feek anything like that again. Then I got distant from everything and everyone. I just felt that alcohol and drugs are better than any human being that I've met all my life. But then the last 2 years I've been drinking getting high and everything at once everyday. So o thought I'd stop it and been trying very hard from the last 2 months and I was sober for 5 days last week but then yesterday and day before yesterday I got high drank and it just feels like I just wanna be taken away from this cruel world. Everyday fucking feels like some sort of battle and I'm surviving everyday I don't even know what for. But since 6 years, or more than that, I wake up wishing for a better day and work hard but it all feels so hopeless. I don't have no place in this cruel world. The cuts on my body are too many are too deep to go away. I can't seem to look at anything in this world worth liking. I'm too much of a coward to kill myself. I'm not waiting for death to take me away. As a kid I thought I'd be something by now, but here I am a lonely addict just trying my way to break free. 

Anybody who reads this, thank you. 

Lonely

For Mere pyaare n&m k logo -
(Idc whatever u think or comment aftr reading this post, samajne vale samaj hi jaayenge)
Agree
Kuch jyada hi gyani bane baithe h log yahape, har koi gyaan hi diye jaarha hai… khud ki life mein bhi jhaank k dekho ek baar khudki problems solve krne ki koshish karo dusro ki baad me krna…har jgah apna gyaan baantna mat shuru krdia karo yaar… sabki situations alag hoti hai, jesa tumhe lagta h vesa toh bilkul nahi !

Kuch log only vent krne aate hai yahape un k thoughts/post pe bhar bhar k gyaan diye jaarhe log… tum log koi psychotherapist ya psychologist ho kya? 
Suno smjho aur fir khudse pucho ki jo tun yaha jawab dene vale ho vo sahi hoga ya nahi !!

Pls understand, I request. 
Thanks for reading. 

Now&Me Thinks

I have been feeling very low. I feel like I'm so lost and confused and don't know myself, what i love, what i want, what makes me happy. I don't even know how to be happy, tried to do things that usually makes me happy but I don't feel anything. I feel so lost , confused and empty. I always feel like I'm not living that I'm dreaming. I'm so depressed and my family makes things way way worse. I feel more alone than ever. I try so hard to get out of this zone but i can't. Someone please help.

Depression

Note to everyone:
Don’t re-read old conversations. They can break you even more.

3am Thoughts

okay so I do swimming 5/6 times a week right and i hate swimming because of my teacher and it’s just generally not fun bc it drains you. But my mum gives me £10 every month because she doesn’t want me to quit. And im just really tired because i never really get a break from it (school, homework, other clubs and etc). i need help on what to do.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts