i lost something precious,
mama said i could replace it,
but mama,
you must know it won't be the same.

kocktail

what's_yours?

3am Thoughts

Single girl child 
Lost her father . 
Leaves with her mom . 
How is she ? 

Love

I lost my brother 12 years ago to a heart attack. He was only 20. I'm now happy and married. But every time my husband is unwell or injured, I can't sleep. I'm afraid that I'll wake up to find that he can't wake up. I can't lose him, too. 

Anxiety

i lost my dad when i was 19. i saw his health deteriorate over time. i saw him suffer and die in front of me. after he left i was alone, part of me died that day. i still cry at night and wish he was here..
that event left me with some abandonment issues and depression. it feels like i dont wanna get out of my bed or do my chores. what can i do to get out of that moment? 

Loss

I lost my mom 15 years ago, and i still miss her.

Mental Health

**i will miss my dad** he is my no. 1 idol in my life. Love u so much papa. Best dad ever. Rest in peace. You will no longer suffer. Ilove you papa!

Family

What good are wings
Without the courage to fly?

so like I have lost my father from drinking about three years ago when I was only ten years old. And as I said it has been three years but I still haven’t been able to get over it?? I haven’t even started to accept or realize he is dead and it’s been years, it’s like after he died he never excited to me or ever Been a person, and he died before I could make him proud over things and before he could see me grow up so that has really affected me,
I don’t even know if I miss him, I can’t cry about it either.. I feel like there’s something wrong with me?? Why can’t I get myself to realize he’s actually dead?? I can’t even go to school anymore, and I cry about it cause I can’t cry about it?? Does that make sense??

(Sorry if I made a mistake somewhere) I am not here really to ask anything or seek some kind of attention really. I think I just wanna vent everything out in front of PEOPLE. So today I'm feeling a little low, I spent an hour just now reminiscing over the last few years, locked in my room which got me to tears. Just sitting there thinking about my past since 4th standard. When, after celebrating  the best birthday of my life, just in 7 days my father passed away(due to a heart attack). And it was a really BIG shock, as he was a totally healthy man and had no prior health complications regarding his heart. Then the year after that was a Fucking roller coaster seeing his lifeless body in the funeral, coming back from where we were posted to Maharashtra (our real home), watching my mother and little sister go through that, I felt so bad for my sister she was not even in first standard when all of this happened she was clueless about what was going on, why was her father sleeping like that and not answering back during funeral. In the next year I saw the official things happening and all, watching my mother go through all the things dealing with all the official work, after his death and I slowly realized how great of a man he was even after his death we were able hold our position as high middle class family and how great of a woman my mother was still holding up the composure. Now my school life was of course ruined in a way and also not I guess. I actually am myself confused. Because I had pretty good friends whom I hold dear now. I don't think I hated my school life but thing is I lost, I think what we call INNOCENCE of the teenage and things we all enjoy during teenage. Like having a small relationship and not caring about the future THAT MUCH. I also liked a girl and I think she was also into me, we also flirted a bit but at the time my self esteem was really low I just kept front, a lie in front of others actually (Even at home) I thought why would she like a guy like me? what's so special in me?(Well I did exercise a bit and I was good at singing but my low self esteem fucked me) So, due to that nothing really happened. I just looked at her rationally I shut up my feelings by questions like the former ones. I was not thinking about that I am talking with her and getting happy over it. I had no INNOCENCE (even though I liked her). I was like, "heh in the end this is also going to END" and then I left it at that ( still I am not able to express it well by typing). Well, that was just one of the things among a lot of others ones it was just an example. Then the CORONA started. It was perfect to fuck me up even more. I got addicted to porn and mobile (it numbed my brain from all painful things kept remembering) for a short period (for around 6 months) but I stopped doing it after the lockdown ended. Then bam my 10th ends in 6 months after lockdown, then bam 1 year of 11th is now ended which brings us to now I still have a lot to hold upon my shoulders, trying my best to hold up, when not being able to hold up then putting up a front is the next option, watching my sister and mother cry once in a while, then crying by myself (I really can't bring myself to do that in front of them anymore), when feeling down reading religious texts and moving on, studying my ass off, sometimes remembering him, thanking all my relatives who were there to help us during that time (you know relatives are good people don't just bullshit them over just because they asked you your marks because they are the once who help in the time of crisis, not all of them I know that also) and pushing on somehow, tryna get something in my life. And in the distant future Being a reliable pillar for my family. (I might come off as an arrogant shit but sympathy is the last thing I want from anyone, and I also don't really think anyone is going to read this long of a message so let it be, I guess?)

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts