I lost my best friend of 8+ yrs in July. She reasoned that I wasn’t the shy and goofy girl I once was, she said that moving does that to people and that she couldn’t take it. Before she said that she just started to leave me on open and pretended everything was fine when we hung out. I just thought she wanted space, but I was completely wrong. Anyways, a week goes by and I send streaks saying she just left with no emotion, she snapped me back saying that it was a guilt trip and unfriended me. It hurt cause I didn’t have many friends because I moved, she knew that, but I continued to post about my feelings (because that’s how I cope) and so did she. she texted me when I was out of state for a funeral asking when she was going to get her shit back. I simply replied with I’m out of state so I don’t know, well when the day did come to give her stuff back she makes the excuse that her dad doesn’t want drama at the house so we meet at the local park. I pull up and take a trash bag full of her stuff out of the trunk, all of my old friends were there watching as she walked over with a grocery bag full of my stuff. so I don’t know if you know but if you have been friends for more than 5yrs you have a lot of their clothes and stuff over at their house. but I took the bag and drove down the street, I look in the bag to find her dad’s hoodie, my mom’s hoodie, my pants and shirt I left over last time I was there, and a pair of her shorts. now a couple of months later I’m healing but I’m still broken about it, she texts me “do you need an explanation or some shit?”. I said to her that it would have been great to know a couple of months ago, anyways she ends up telling me that I abused her, I was toxic, I hung out with her family more than her, and I was just all-around a bad person. but when I tell you that I fought with my mom every time we left for another state to let me stay so I can be with her or tried saying that I wasn’t hanging out with her anymore. I gave up so much for her to be left with barely any friends left and the worst pain that I could ever feel. honestly, I tried to be there for her and be everything to her but I knew she was slipping away and I just put on some red-tinted sunglasses to make the red flags disappear so it would hurt less and I wouldn’t have to lose her. I would have changed everything to stay with her, but sometimes life isn’t that fair. as much as I love her and her family, I know all of them were talking behind my bad about how I was… I trusted them and cared for them. but every time I’m in that town, see her family, or even hear her name… I get so much anxiety and I get so overwhelmed because I couldn’t believe that I had lost her to my own actions. but they weren’t, as much as I thought it was me… it was her, she manipulated me into thinking her way. now I’m stuck on… who am I? what do I like? can I say no without this person getting mad? can I hang out with people without being told that I should have hung out with them? so many things to do but such low energy, I cant wait to be myself again…
Just be yourself. Don’t think about what others may think of you. That friend of yours gone. You said she talks behind your back that only means the friendship you two both have has already been tainted. Same to the side of her. It could be back but it would never be back from the way it was. All you have to do right now was fix yourself and do everything you can to make yourself happy.
