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Trigger warning
I live with my ex because of practical reasons with immigration money and a child we have.
She has on many occasions talked about kill herself and saying that it will be my fault. She has admitted to faking an attempt in front of me a little more than a year ago.
I do not know how to respond, I do not want to ignore it incase she is serious but it only comes up during disagreements so given the history and how she talks about it I feel like itโ€™s just to control me.

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4 replies
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Anonymous
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That is kind of weird. But all I can say is try to handle things with a little affection and care and see if things turn the better way out. Maybe you both could reach on some good platform. The process is time taking so just have patience and take care.

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Anonymous
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Hi, I donโ€™t mean to sound rude or donโ€™t know if you would take it the wrong way but thatโ€™s being in a toxic relationship. Iโ€™ve actually been in your situation. I once had a boyfriend that was the same way, he wouldnโ€™t exactly say it would be my fault but he would call me and threaten me that if I would ever leave him he would kill himself. But in my opinion she probably just says it to control you or get her way. If someone really wanted to kill themselves, and god forbid anyone actually does, they wouldnโ€™t talk about it, they would just do it, trust me. If she tells you, it probably means she secretly wants help, someone trying to kill themselves doesnโ€™t tell anyone they need help they just tell people they have those thoughts as a cry for help. But if she faked an attempt, then Iโ€™m pretty sure she does it to get her way in things.

@sockpuppy
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Iโ€™m sorry, but that is dangerous misinformation you are spreading here.
Iโ€™ve had a friend who talked about it and ended up going through with it. People who talk about killing themselves do it just as people who donโ€™t talk about it but want to wonโ€™t do it.
So in my opinion your whole advice is short sighted.

@sockpuppy
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Iโ€™m sorry to hear about your ex.
I have been a quiet reader for some time, browsing the site due to quarantine-boredom, but I decided to create an account because of the comment below which is such dangerous advice.
Anyway, I have also read your other post. Those two combined (and I assume itโ€™s the same person you are talking about) seem to me like your ex is overwhelmed or exhausted.
Putting the child on TV all day (if it actually is all day? as it is a figure of speech) and talking about suicide sounds like a depression. Given youโ€™re broken up and still live together that seems like quite the source of emotional stress. Especially if you broke up and/or hurt her before and since. Try to be kind, try to support her and Iโ€™m sure both situations will improve.
Also: Are you sure she admitted faking an attempt? Is there any chance you misunderstood her?

Lastly, itโ€™s not any of my business, but if you live together and have a child together, why not try to be a family? Broken up parents arenโ€™t a unit, no matter how well they do in co-parenting. The support of a family can never be replaced by anything else. If she is lacking your support it would explain why these things come up in disagreements. Give her the benefit of doubt and donโ€™t assume itโ€™s to control you until youโ€™ve talked everything out.

Good luck!

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