Thought

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Anonymous

I live in the usa and im in a relationship with a man for the past 7 and half years. At first it was great. He has 2 kids with his ex and I have 2 kids with my ex and we have one kid together so 5 kids. I do love him, but over the past 3 years he’s turned into an alcoholic and long story made short…ive been seeking emotional love elsewhere, not physical. I’ve been talking to a guy online for a couple months now and I’m really falling for him. He is more then I could have ever expected to find in another person. But he lives in vietnam, to be with him I would have to leave behind my kids for a few years…

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2 replies
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Anonymous

Hey, I understand what you’re going through. It is not easy to have your partner who’s addicted. Has he tried any of those 12 step recovery programmes? Has he agreed to get help? If it’s been 3 years, I’m guessing he hasn’t. While I completely understand the need for emotional support, I feel it wouldn’t be wise for you to leave your kids. I think, your solution isn’t getting away from your home, but perhaps just getting away from your husband. I know that sounds easier than it probably is, but I want you to think about your children and them being alone with an alcoholic father. Do you think that would be a good idea? If I may suggest, how about your guy, whom you met online, coming from Vietnam to here, where you stay? Is this possible? Does he know about your children and your family? If he does, I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to abandon them, and if he expects you to do that, then that doesn’t really make him a very nice person. A second alternative is trying your best to get your husband into recovery programmes, which I understand you might have already. My third alternative is, you start living your life again. Living with an addict can be all-consuming, in the sense that you’re always looking out for them and their needs. On top of which, you’re a mother of 5, so I’m assuming that you have your hands full most of the time. I would urge you to take yourself out on dates, even by yourself. Or to try to start dating again, here in the States. You deserve someone who loves you as you are, with the lovely family you’ve built. I know you have to think about yourself first, and about your happiness if you want to make anyone happy, but don’t neglect the children in that bargain. You wouldn’t really be able to experience happiness knowing that your kids aren’t okay, and knowing that you could’ve done something about it.

Deepanshi @deepanshigupta0

Hey… I know its difficult to survive with a partner who is addicted to something. And ya emotional support ia important too. But i feel leaving your kids with someone else or your addicted partner is not a good step. I mean they are your responsibility so i feel its not a right step to leave your kids. Be with them always.

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