I like to keep myself busy. I feel like I go crazy when I have too much free time.

It's a good sign.
Mostly when people are free they over think way too much .
Keep yourself busy and enjoy life.

Other

Work towards the truth to fulfill purpose of life. Truth is always the sailing boat which reaches its destination. 

As the day closes in, those memories start getting profound again 

Breakup

So i was just brainstorming about some random things and suddenly like a rewind video of my childhood traumas played through my mind. Just wanted to vent it out here. So my mom and dad both r on job even b4 they were married. They are two strong headed people and often have opinion clashes and i grew up listening to their verbal fights about finances, properties,management, loans. Basically they lacked communication which lead to misunderstanding and then it would heat upto a fight. Ofcourse all this affected us(me and my younger bro) mentally. We have seen it since childhood. But has fortunately vanished as they communicate and things are going pretty well [touchwood]. Actually there was one more reason behind the fights betn mom and dad it was that my dad cheated on my mom like 4 to 5 times with different women. She'd come to know about it and then a fight and this continued. He doesn't do it anymore as we have grown up and unfortunately i myself saw 3 of these incidences with my eyes but i was too small to understand whats happening[it's traumatizing now]. Due to this my mom tried to kill herself twice. Once she haded a suicide note to me but fortunately nothing bad happened. That note shattered me as a kid. I almost felt lifeless for a moment. I don't know if it's true but my dad claims that those things happened due to a black magic. Don't want to talk about it deeply. I feel my father has genuinely changed now he does everything to make us happy and since almost five years he gives his best even before he wasn't a bad human being he did all that a dad would do for his childeren but unfortunately he wasn't a good husband. But sadly i remember the past clearly and i have forgiven him for his past miatakes. But sometimes i just think like he made my childhood traumatized and above all he made my mom go through all that crap[i hated him like nothing] but my mom said that hate will just rip us apart. Let's make a fresh start and live like a happy family since then things are going smooth![evil eyes off] it was a horrible child hood though. I cried while thinking of it and felt like expressing. Plz don't say anything bad about my parents they learnt from their mistakes and that's what matter. I love them!

3am Thoughts

I used to like a guy and after waiting for almost 6 months we started dating. We dated for a month and things went south for him, and he broke up with me. He wants space and mental peace, and I really want to give him that but I just cannot get over the fact that it's over and we can never be together again. I did not sign up for this, I wanted us to last. 

So I was not going to ever say this out loud but I can't keep it to myself anymore. Also I do not really need a solution, this is more of a vent.

I (20f), recently started dating someone (20m), it has been a little close to two months. Let's call him A. A has had feelings for me since the past 1.5 years but never confessed and I very recently started liking him and confessed within a week or so because we were getting 'too close' without giving our relationship a label and I've been there before and wasn't comfortable with it.
The point being, I suddenly feel everything is going very fast, we had our first kiss on the second day of us dating, etc etc. And also, I'm not comfortable with PDA but he loves to do it and gives weird reasons to why he does it. For example, i am fine with minor pda like holding hands but he wants me to put my legs on him IN CLASS. We don't even sit at the last bench and he wants me to do that when the professor is teaching. When I told him I'm uncomfortable, he told me that we do not get to spend time together because I go away with my friends after class but in reality I had gone to speak to my friend of 3 years after class ONCE because he told me he was depressed and I obviously could not leave him alone. I also apologised multiple times for skipping our alone time and hanging out with my friend that day.At first he said it's alright but now he "demands compensation". 
The thing is, I'm not comfortable with having sex right now. We're both kids and after all of this I'm not sure where our future stands and having sex for me is a big deal. For the past few days he has kind of been pressurising me and then making me feel guilty for not doing it. Guilty to the point where he straight up told me that he feels super annoyed by me and that he has been waiting too long for me already (note- i made it very clear that i am not comfortable with sex on the third day of us dating and had told him I would be ok if he decides to leave me for this reason. I also do not care if he watches porn or whatever and i have had that conversation with him too). I don't like him pressurising me or making me feel guilty for thinking like this.

Yesterday night on call, he asked me if we will 'do it' the next time we meet, i told him maybe or maybe not so he replied with 'oh please, let's just do it before something else happens'; now I'm not completely sure what he meant by that, he has, in the past told me multiple times that he will do it forcefully if i don't oblige so it could either mean that or he could be referring to our break up.
I don't know and i feel like it has only been 2 months and breaking up so early would bring a lot of harm to my friends and my relationship with my parents (yes, they know and surprisingly they are fine with us dating; surprisingly because Desi parents aren't really happy knowing that their child is dating someone usually).
At first this all felt like a fairy tale, now i just feel weird with him.

Frustration

Why do I always cry when talking to my parents? (serious conversations or about my behavior)

I am scared to sleep and I am exhausted please help me

Exhausted

Why is it so hard to be grateful at times?

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts