I know its not his responsibility to always support me. But how can he does that to me? he left me playing games when he knew i was in my lowest. But the time he was depressed and nobody helps him im the only one who always support him. It really hurts. When i need him to JUST listen to me, he change the topic of our convo. 


It's really sad...but in tough times, you get to know who's real and who's fake...so know now what you want to do...

3am Thoughts

Okey hi! 
I really want to take this thing out of my brain. 
My bestfriend likes me and I like him ( but not utna jitna Vo karta hai ). Today we were out, so I started talking about the fact that we should date or not. So, he said he wanted something forever. So, according to me, forever means something which lasts long for a lifetime or something but according to him, forever wasn’t forever forever but a period of time. 
And we accidentally kissed today! It fucked up more. Now I don’t know what to do ? 🤧

My boyfriend broke up with me. I really thought he is the one for me. What do I do now? I feel like I will never find love again. I still have feelings for him but he doesn't. I really feel depressed. I have given up on love. I don't know what will happen in future now.

Relationships

Hi 👋 
It's my first time here hehe so this will be my first post.

Uhm, I haven't been in a relationship since birth, just have some crushes of course (and most of them are girls) but I'm already mid 20's and I don't but I just wanted suddenly to be in a relationship (I know it's not easy) maybe because during this lockdown I've been watching some romantic kdramas and movies that I'm picturing myself what if I have someone like those couples HAHAHA 

I've got some suitors back then who asked me on a date and agreed to come but then I find myself after couple of weeks loosing interests on those guys. I felt like I'm not good in keeping people :( 

So now this, I have a college classmates who had a crush on me and even helped me with my thesis back then which eventually stopped since I think he thought I took him for granted. 

He is now chatting me on messenger and talking about things, I don't know his motive but I'm still replying to his messages, but there's one time that I didn't reply after a week, I saw his tweet saying that if someone wants to play a game they should end it not leaving it's opponent halfway through. After reading that tweet I let couple of days passed by and reply to his messages HAHA I really don't know what he wants from me if he just wants to be friends or what. 

He's also asking me out after the lockdown but I told him that I will go only if we have one of my friend to come with us. I'm uncomfortable being around with guys alone. hmm. 





I wanna share something really personal . it’s something that I can’t put it in words but I’ll try my best it’s just I’ve been fight with myself for way too long and suffering silently and it never really changes . It all happened because of my messed up lifestyle and losing self esteem during covid I had no confidence in me . So basically, I have an internet friend we have never met in real life . We started as friends but some how we became important in our regular routine. It’s like I couldn’t even sleep most nights if he wouldn’t be there on call . Just because he was always there I never could talk about other boys . Even if he was not my boyfriend he would shame me . At times I got weak and felt lonely as hell and decided to be his online gf since he was always there for me . There were times (in short) I’ve had mad anxiety I was treated like shit by my ex and at those times I used to have loads of health anxiety. He was the only person there in those days although I never met him I always treated him like a real person . He have shamed me every month since a year ( about to be ) . Now lately he started college and he is doing well without me and I haven’t been able to accept I keep crying spamming him for what ?? At the end he calls me a slut for my past and I never ever cheated on anyone . all I want is a good relationship and a good boyfriend I just want to block him and forget him and be in peace but again he was also there for me at difficult times I can’t be so selfish right ? I genuinely need help I think I’m ruining my youth !!

Anxiety

How to deal with when your boyfriend seems his  ex girlfriend as best friend and she still loves him.

Today I feel kinda low this morning I woke up and got in the car and I kept having flashbacks of the night he picked me up and remembering all the things he did to me I was only 12 and it still effects me till this day ig it’s my fault for going with him that night but I just wanted to escape from home to much was going on but not only that just a couple month ago I was at this party and I got pretty drunk I could barely walk and I woke up at home but a text from a close friend saying what happened when you disappeared into the woods with blah blah blah I don’t know what they where talking about so I asked him and he said it was okay since he was my boyfriend we had never touched each other in anyway before that barley even kissed I broke up with him after that it kinda hurt bc I can’t even remember what had happened to me so days like these j listen to my music and keep my head down 



I'm tired. 
Tired of seeking love outside. Because my past relationships and trauma keep haunting me and taunting me that I'm not worth of it. 
First relationship where the guy chased me for over 1.5 years and broke up within 4 months. Told me it was my fault, i didn't know how to make it work. If it was my fault, if i didn't know how to work a relationship u could have taught me. U could have put efforts to make it work but instead of doing that u chose to leave me stranded questioning myself, questioning my worth. 
I couldn't get into another relationship for over 2 years after this happened.
Recently i tried believing in love again. This guy made me realise that i can also love again. He brought out a new version of me which i didn't even know exist in me. He made me more open, bold and expressive. But broke my heart without even being in a relationship. He was neither a friend, nor a boyfriend but when he left i felt empty inside. It's not that he wanted to leave intentionally. He wanted to cheat on his girlfriend (soon to be wife) with me which i thought was worse than being in a relationship so i pushed him away.

My question is why is it always me? Why always i find such people? 
It's not that I'm incomplete without love. I'm happy by myself and i know that I don't need anyone else to make me happy. I'm just saying that if u cannot give me what i deserve then please stay out of my life. Stop entering my life and messing with my happiness and peace. I'm better off without you so just stay away from me. 
When will i get what i want and what i deserve ?


Other

Okayyyyyy......
So I caught feelings for someone random stranger on an app called chatous, And I feel stupid. I feel so because of the following reasons :
1) I met him online, I have never met this person in real life 
2) he is in different country, hell different continent 
3) sometimes I doubt whether he is a real person or not because he is 20 and does not have any social media account.  Suspicious? 
4) he has this annoying habit of just vanishing for days and replying to my 4 day old text as if he wasn't Mia.  Like dude if you busy say so,  if you are about to sleep say so,  but don't keep me hanging,  because I have feelings for you so I'll wait for your text even thought I'll have to wait for hours and I hate myself for thatttt... Ughhh 
5)  sometimes he's all sweet and all and is like move here, as if it's so simple and I just don't know. 
Like do I trust him or is it just some another 50 year old. We have been taking since July 2020 and it's April 2021 now . Help me out here guys I'm so confused. 
He also says that when this Covid situation is all better he will visit me, and I'm scared that he turns up to be some scamster, but I kinda like him. 
I'm soooooooooo stupidddddd

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts