I know I'm very strong and handle my own self lekin kabhi kabhi itna weak feel hota hai. Lagta hai jaise koi hota sath. kam se kam itna to assurance hota ki someone is there to listen. Kash koi to Mera dukh samjhta aur mujhe bharosa hota ye nhi jayega kbhi. Jo kbhi hoga nhi. Na Aisa koi person hoga na Aisa trust dobara hoga. Anyways. Crying.. but I will stand up again tmrw.

Ambiguous Ambivert

Sorry that you feel this way. It must be very difficult for you! 
Take care. Sending lots of good vibes to you.

Life

I try to be a nice person but sometimes my mouth doesn't cooperate with me...

3am Thoughts

How to stop feeling hor ny and stop thinking vulgar stuff???

Addiction

Always be thankful for receiving so much love from someone without even asking for it don't take it for granted because time would pass and you would not receive it like you used to n you'll miss it..then you would be deprived of receiving that much love ,affection it's just one life that I have and I'm currently begging for love attention which sucks I hate it because I've never done it in my life if someone is making me feel like that I don't think they are worthy of my love right? Should I detach too? I think I'll do that it'll be good for me because I'm the only one who is showing love so much and not receiving any of it 😂 I can't forget days whn I was being treated right and I was shown so much immense , crazy, abundance love. It was selfless. I feel light hearted after sharing this.

“itna toh kisine chaha bhi na hoga,
jitna maine sirf socha hai tujhe” 🌒

Memories

Any therapist?

Other

today my mom asked me why i have been irritated and disturbed and angry since a few days....and then i realised. Shit! why is this happening....like i knew something was off with me but never looked at it that way...but now that i've realised it,i feel pretty weird(feeling ajeeb) 
i really dont know what to do tht my behaviour doesn't affect my family.
i think it could be because of few reasons
1. my complicated relationship stuff and the fact that i told the guy that since a few days i only feel friendship vibes between us and he is content that atleast i shared with him..since sharing is something i cannot do...so obvio he is not happy with what i said and when i asked him about it ..he said its ok..idk what's happening
2. this whole ghar pe raho situation (lockdown) is soooooo frustating like i'm about to go to college but idk if my board exam of 12 will be conducted or not..what should i prep for...boards?..entrace?...other activites?....something helpfull i should learn?...AHHH idk
3. third reason i don't know what it could be

ps the guy i was talking about is also my childhood friend and best friend and i'm having a complicated relationship with him since we were in class 9
Thanks for listening!!!!!!

Frustration

Have vaste syllabus to read and I have 90 days only

Books

I particularly don't know how to feel about today or any day in particular. 
I have anxiety, depression(severely) and I have been to a therapist, got pills 'to cure my head' as said by everyone. Now it seems I depend on such pills to be happy or not feel anything at all. I am afraid of what is inside my head or what controls my emotions and feelings. 
I have a great love life. I have a boyfriend who tries his best when it comes to holding me when I want to cry out and listening to me, sometimes, hurting me as because I get so deep in the anxiety and he doesn't know the feeling, sometimes not noticing and I don't blame him. Point blank, its hard for anyone to understand these feelings who haven't gone through it or haven't faced such in their life. I don't blame him but I know I hurt him in the process to protect myself. 
What makes me this way? 
If I would be some superstitious being I would blame it on my past life or stars perhaps, but I am not, can't even blame my pain to the non-existent realm as most people do.  
I am the second child to my family. First being my brother. 
What can I complain of? Criticism, humiliation, embarrassment. 
Imagine nobody knows when you have a high fever even if you are right before their eyes saying it aloud and your brother being taken to the hospital because of a paper cut. Cuts? 
I have slit my left-hand every time I couldn't just bear the emotional pain for which I became the laughing stock of the family. My anger grew to my parent's ignorance and my brother's growing ego. This anger was tantrum and I gave up saying anything to anyone.
The story is deeper than this. To what happened to when I was five to today. 
At some point I want to leave, never give up, but leave.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts