I keep on wasting my time and days ... I have wasted 2 months . I feel like crying


start to learn something , start small , 30 minutes each day, we are humans , we can do it.

Please remember that we are in the middle of a pandemic and that it isn't a productivity contest. Please do not feel guilty. It's okay!

 maybe u r a student and u care abt  ur future. i do the same.  and i cry over it too we both need to suffer for this knowing that we will regret 

Success

I feel excited about the idea of dying, not knowing what will happen after death and just ending it all. But I don't really do it for real because my fam and dog won't be happy. It's just an odd thought that keeps coming back to my mind from time to time. I don't share it to my friends. I'm not just used to sharing and I am afraid that they'll think that I am being dramatic. Plus, I don't really have much friends. I've always have difficulty in befriending people because I always doubt if they actually like me. Sometimes, when I'm feeling down, I just cry and talk alone. I don't know if that's weird but I feel like there's a voice in my head talking to me back and there are actual conversations and sometimes it's just one voice. It's good at telling me that I'm gonna fail on everything I do even before I started. Sometimes, it's fun talking to them but weird too because if they are in my head then they are me right? Is it the same for everyone? Because I don't know what's happening inside other people's mind so I just assume that it happens and people just don't talk about it. 

I've never been into a doctor. I don't tell it to my parents. We are not that close tbh but I love them anyway.

That's it. I just really wanted to vent so I searched for a site like this. 

Mental Health

A couple of months ago, I received a preliminary medical diagnosis from my doctor. It’s what I suspected and answered so many questions about my past and how I am, today. I explained everything to my girlfriend and she is supportive standing by my side through all of this. For myself, I’ve been overthinking and stressed. I am overwhelmed with my condition to the point that my anxiety issues have worsened. Now, I am self conscious with every aspect of my daily life.

I am not sure why I feel I don’t deserve good things anymore in my life and to be happy. I feel flawed and not a person that should go on living a life as I was beforehand. I am not happy with myself and perhaps not accepting of my new personal identity and condition, even though there is nothing I can do to change that. I deserve to be happy and going forward in life as much as anyone else. Yet, I feel I can’t. Perhaps, I need time to adapt to this new change as I navigate life from a new perspective. I just don’t know. 

Anxiety

i don’t really know what i’m doing, it’s pathetic and it’s so exhausting, pretending like im always fine, i know im too much of a people’s pleaser, i can’t say no. i hate everyone really,i don’t know why im so tired these days, so unmotivated i can’t get myself to do anything, im falling behind on college work, im so behind on everything, i have exams coming up, i can’t sleep at night, my sleep schedule is so messed up i just wish i could go back a couple of years when i had no stress, no worries, when i could sleep peacefully, when i loved everyone, when everything made me happy <3

Confusion

I desire the things which will destroy me in the end

3am Thoughts

Drowning deep down in the ocean of my thoughts waiting for someone to pull me out 

So confused right now ,so much work and I am feeling so lazy no motivation to work I don't feel to do anything. Inside, my heart is crying, mouth is dry and my hands are sweating. I wish I could cry but I couldn't something is choking in my throat, dam nervous.

Life

Okay, so, I was trying to find a place where I could vent without being judged or without bothering anyone and I think I finally found it. Hurray :) How am I feeling? I am stressed. Sad. Confused of my own feelings. But mostly I am scared. Scared of myself. Scared of not living enough. At this point I am scared of everything. I feel like I am still stuck in 2020. I guess that's the last time I felt happy, no matter what was going on In the world, I still felt happy. I don't remember a single thing from 2021. Like really. I feel like I didn't live in that year, I feel like I just closed my eyes at the start of 2021 and when I opened them, boom, Happy new year 2022. And this year... I don't even remember this year had started and we are already in march. Every single day for past 2 years looked same to me. I didn't do anything special, I didn't feel special. I feel like I am loosing time all the time. It doesn't feel real. Nothing is feeling real. I don't even feel like alive anymore. I am scared to talk about it to people I know, I am scared to talk about it to my parents. So I am suffering alone. Might sound stupid, I bet it is stupid, but I seriously need help, because I am slowly loosing hope that it will get better. I feel like I lost a whole last year and that scares me. I am losing myself again, but this time it is worse than it ever was. To anyone who decided to read this mess till the very end, thank you. I hope you all have beautiful rest of your day/night <3 (funny how posting this makes me feel a little better) 

Stress

How feel can use the word let's have an end 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts