I keep diary sometimes when I am sad. Following is from today’s diary:-
(Things written in brackets are my thoughts after writing my diary)
Its painful, it hurts, every task is difficult to focus on. I have lost my confidence. Today I tried to be little bit more courageous by bringing out the strong young man inside me. I revolted against the sympathy that I have used to hide behind. It’s disgusting (shameful) to thing how pathetic I have been.
I question how my friends haven’t complained yet. I don’t know why they even stick with me till now. Pathetic. I have been arrogant, weak, and annoying too. (This is pessimism, I need to control it, God give me wisdom)
Everything is breaking down.
Is there a hope? There’s constant battle in my head. What’s right and what’s wrong? Why am I different every day? Why can’t I trust myself? Why can’t my today connect with tomorrow? I have lost the link. (My feelings right now…)
I have been so pessimistic. Its difficult to figure out what to do. I have been avoiding this issue for a long time. I need to address this situation. No more hiding in the shadows of comfort.(by comfort I mean procrastination or just avoidance).
Its going to be a painful journey. Surviving the shame is no easy task (is shame the right word?). I hope I have the strength when I need it the most.
