I just really wanna do something big in life i wanna get serious and literally change my life for good. Mu boyfriend is such a hardworking talented person, and me on the other hand im nothing compared to him, how will i present myself in front of his parents if i keep going on like this…. I want us to be perfectly compatible and made for eachother, i wanna really build up my skills and be the best version of myself to stand equal beside him. Although he is very nice and has never shamed me for being less than him but as im 20 and he’s 25, i feel im not a kid anymore.

Erza Hazel

Wow I never thought of it like that, thank you

Its actually very good that you are acknowledging yourself that you wanna do something big in life.
Thinking that you wanna be something is first step of self improvement but please do it for your self and not for anybody else 
You should do something for you not because you wanna be equal someone 
It should be you vs you
Get insipre from your boyfriend but in a healthy way not not to validate what will his parents think


Adulting

So I have been talking to a buy for like almost 3 months and things between us became a bit intimate and personal. At first I wanted to be just friends but he was persistent and very pushy so I kinda went with his flow and I started to catch feelings. The last month of us talking was very confusing for me. He started distancing himself and when I confronted him about it he was like "I do that with most people that I like". In the end he was barely answering my messages under the excuse that he had to work on his dissertation  but at the same time he was like " I like you so much" and the other bs like "send me pics of yourself cus I miss you"...
Eventually I asked him if he wanted to escape this area of "more than friends and less than lovers" and he was like "I like you but let's be just friends". I have realised(too late unfortunately) that he basically used me for my body and had no true feelings at sake. I told him that is better for us to stop talking and he respected my decision kinda. After two months of us not talking he was like " I care about you and I want to be your friend" and even tho I told him that the idea of even us talking doesn't sit right with me he still talks about what HE wants and how HE feels. 
Honestly idk what should I do
Ps:sorry for my English 
(This is very brief so who wants more details can ask)

Long Distance Relationship

He says he loves me and we’re in a talking stage rn but why is he not asking me for a date. I’ve asked him twice cause i don’t believe in guys should ask first and all and he kinda said no in an indirect way. Idk what is happening. We’ve only met once 3 years before as friends. 

Love

*Hello there !*
I am here on this platform to confess something and also asking for you all to give advice....pardon any gramatical mistake as english is not my mother tongue.
So it all started 3years back, I was 16 and was in a very complicated relationship it didn't ended on good notes and all the support and care system was this friend of mine X. So gradually i got some feelings for him and he already had so we end up together eventually. That relationship worked for like a year but i always had this feeling that he is not the one or I don't love him it was all gotten along in rage. He truly loved me, I even felt his true feelings right in my heart but always ignored coz maybe that time my love was kinda jst lavished by external beauty and i was not able to recognize who the right one is. We ended but he didn't left me like that he had been good frd of mine who always took good care of me...but everyone asked me to let him move on and not to bound him alongside with me i tried ...i certainly pushed him away kind off bt for him even in today's date I'm someone very special to him...he have another best friend though now but i always thought that will be me forever and then few days back that girl blocked me from his ID though he unblocked me but I just realised something ..my true feelings for him I realised how well he used to get along with such a messy person like me as well as took good care of my temper....I feel like i love or like him now...but he had said to peoples that he had moved on...no one can beleive that though...I just don't know what to do anymore I feel like trash so dumb that love of my life was just in front of me but I failed to recognize and now I donno what to ...should I talk it through to him and ask if something can happen or should I just let things be in regret and beleive his words that he moved on...coz somehow I feel like maybe he is the best for me but I'm not for him and he can get lot more better loving caring girl and all the love that he deserves.
Hope anyone can just read this and help me ....Thank you anyways though

Relationships

Heya I met a guy online 8years ago, I was 16 and crushing on him badly.2 years later I confessed my feeling to him. He felt the same it was a long distance little did I know about long distance and the consequences I went along.
It was nice when we met because of the excitement to make each other best everytime we met.
Untill 3 months later he started ghosting me.
6 months into the relationship I met him and broke up with him.
Over my first ever.
It was tough because it was the first time all the emotions flooded.
I was keeping myself occupied with cllg activities.
My high school sr who was in town for a month caught up with me he made me feel special my friend1 (same school) kept telling he likes me.
I ignored as I had a lot going on back of my head. 
We often met and it was nice we played baord games and all.
One fine day my friend1 happened to ask him what he feels for me and if he likes me and all he told her he doesn't want to complicate it.
And showed me those msgs and asked why she asked me such qs.
I said I have no idea
He told me he does like me and it was intimate 
He asked if he can have a hug we did and I kissed him.
Till date I dunno why I did that.
I wasn't horny was I ?
Or was it the comfort I felt in his arms.
Weird af.
I told him it was not my intention to do it. And this is getting complicated as he was from a different religion( don't judge me here but I think things long termi believe in love forever that is who I was back then. I don't know what I was doing. I felt I was rushing.
Told him the same thing.
I met my friend 1 I might have feeling for him but I am not sure I feel I am rushing l.
Later that week I had my exams told him the exam.
I met him after a week and realised I should take. Chance be vulnerable take risks.
And I did we met mo did all these activities we wanted to do like a to-do list. It was  so good. 
Two weeks later my friend1 calls me home and tells she has something to share. She confesses she MO with the guy twice. 
I had my finals ina  month I was heart broken. He was like I din't expect u would want anything from me.
It was bad.
I stopped talking to boht of them 
When ever I felt like calling my friend 1 she halted saying I should get over that fact and stop calling her and venting to her.
I felt so lonely.
I sucked it up gave my finals trying to get myself up.
6 months he was trying to get to me convince me for an other chance.
I did give in my heart melted.
So I ahve been dating this guy 4 years.
Stopped talking to my F1 since then.
She tried talking to me but I needed time she gave up and removed me from all her accounts. I was looking forward to get along someday eventually.
Anywyas then he always did things which hurt me like sharing all these details to some random girl (friend of my cllg friend) he met once then apologize.
Being possesive and obsessed.
There were fights all the time.
He used to speak things which hurt me a lot. I dunno why I could not assess it as vernal abuse but now I know what it was. 
All these were red flags but I was blind. Few years later things got bad at home personal problems with my siblings  after which I couldn't take risk of seeing him as we live in India.
So I told the same.
We were in touch like u can call it causual.
I realised I like him a lot and went back to him. Asked for a commitment in the conditions favourable to me.
That Is what I felt to do andi did it. 
Little did I know he was already moving on. He said he needs time 6 months. During this time I realised he is keeping himself distant like not shairng things
I had no idea what he was upto and all. One days I asked him if he had made new frnds he said NO.
One day I went to Mal e frnd's house my squad have been together since the first year of cllg.
He dint like me going to his place I told him I won't.
That day I did we cut cake had lunch and dispersed. 
After going home I shared it with my bf he got super mad and said a lot of things. But I knew I did something to hurt so I kept quite.
A month later into lockdown (friend of friend) shares me a video of me saying dunno how I have it in my gallery. This suprised me bc neither me nor my frnd shared it.
So I asked my bf if he did he said may be. But according to what he said earlier he had stopped talking to her. I asked why would he hide it he was like he dint like the way things stopped between them on a bad note so I wanted to leave a good validation with her. So I asked if he is hiding Anything else from me.
He told me he made new frnds and he has been meeting them.
I was like did u lie to me about it ?
He said yes that he met them recen times and lied to me about it

I asked him why he would do such a thing.
He told me he lost the rapport.
I was like we were getting serious and asking for commitment and this is how u feel about me.
He was like he was moving on.
It broke my heart and I told him
I am not expecting anything from him.
And I don't trust him anymore.

Yet he kept texting and me being me.
Was not available .
After few months of crying telling I feel he talks as if he is obliged to talk to me and isn't talking to me properly.
I stopped talking to him completely for a month.
I was diagnosed with anxiety. I tried to be  calm.
A lot on my plate I was crying everyother day. A good cllg frnd of mine always supported me. Grateful to have such an amazing frnd. God bless her. 
One month later he was continuing to get in contact askign what happened and give him clarity.
I was what clarity did u have all these months he was like u were talking so I was talking. 
I said I was having unhealthy expectations for working things out  and getting hurt. So I am moving away for good.
He was he wants the same but my conditions won't apply work with the way it is.since I liked him alot  and yeah yet again I melted.decided to give it a thought since we are in 2021 religion should not be any issue right. 
It so bad.
3 months we met but I felt I has taken me for granted.
Was not available emotionally when I needed him the most. 
Would leave me on call for leaving a good validation for some one he met a week ago. 
I was staying with him thinking I like him and his presence is what I like.
But being with him hurted me more I was not happy.
He was keeping things from with my other best frnd.
She is naive and forgot there are boundaries to any friendship she kept things from me bc he asked her to do so.
Shared all the details of how our relationship started.i kept things from her bc I was not sure how she  might receive it. 
I was overwhelmed and anxiety made it worse. 
I had a sleep over at herplcce
I used to meet this bestfriend frequently as she lived near by.one day we had a sleepover. That night we kind of fooled I don't know if it is normal for girls to touch each other's boobs and check whose boob is bigger at night cuddle and sleep.
Morning I ended up telling her I was sexually abusd tocuhed inappropriately as a kid.

She kept things from me about him ( he told her our relationship started with me kissing him and she should not tell me about it )( happened 3 years ago but she kept it from me.)
She was sharing things about her life with him and was like don't tell me but he told me all that ) I din't confront thinking someday she will tell me all this her choice right.
-- during this discussion with her she on  hightome told me she doesn't want to get involved into this.(relationship)-- after this read below
and she is already involved who involved her. I was hurt I din't know what was happening.on the other hand she kept saying I should take stand for myself.

I was sharing things with her all about my family siblings relationship.
Next day I broke up with him sayign I am not happy and we are not compatible. I am having trust issues.
Called my best frnd apologized as I thought I was over loading her eith a lot of information and that I broke up with him asking all my frnds to stop talking to him.
If he talks don't feel obliged to reply if u want to be neutral I understand and all.
She was liek I can handle myself.
Lastly I told her (since my anxiety and intrusive thoughts made me feel guilty) I crossed a boundary in sleep over I should not have done it.
I am sorry.
Little did I know it was normal for girls to fool around like that. 
Nextday she came home morning dint meet me left my wallet outside with long msgs saying she needs break from all this. Had ntn to do with me.
She has personal things to take care of. Asking for time and space. 
She left. 
I feel so lonely right now.
I lost my friend 1 
Broke up my t bf (whom I still have feeling and see future with which sucks even more)
Lost my bestfriend I am giving her space as she said. Dunno what will happen
Have my exam in 26 days. 
All this feels sick to me 
I am talking to a therapist but yet I feel so bad and sick.
I feel I am not a good person and am ruining things .
Eventually will take wrong decisions in future end messing up my life too. 

But one thing is after I stopped talking to anyof them 
I feel calm and quite. 
Like now I realised I ahev career which is at stack and needs attention.
All my energy was consumed for things like family issues bf frnds.
My bf is asking me to rethink as I took this decision in middle of a lot of tensions I should give it a thought after my exams I denied I dunno.
He keeps asking if I never felt happy in all those moments....
I want to do better 
Learn how to cope up un stressful situations better 
I want full fill my dreams 
All this little moments I want to live with 
Do my post graduation 🎓 at a good institute.

Does this mean I am indecisive anxious person who scared away people. 
I feel sad. 
I am not able to conc and study. 
No one at home is aware of my mental illness. I don't want to add more to their tensions. 




Emotional Abuse

My crush texted me for the first time and we talked till 4 in the morning…it was all fun but he didn’t text me after that. It has been 2 days. What does that mean???

3am Thoughts

I really like him ...I know he likes me too. We tried to be in a normal, stable relationship. But it ended in 4-5 months.
He said, being the eldest son, he has responsibilities upon his shoulders, and family always comes first. He is right, as the same goes for me. 
We are still connected, I am still his closest and best friend, he says that I am more than a best friend to him, but never asks me to wait for him, but still I want to wait for him, and so I am doing it. 
We have been friends for the past 9-10 years ..I started to have feelings for him since 3-4 years, I am waiting.
But sometimes looking others made me feel very lonely, sometimes I feel like .. enough this is the end of my patience, I feel sad. But after 2-3 days ..I feel energetic again. 
I don't want to regret after 60 years of age ...kya hota agar mai wait krti aur sahi samay aaney per..jab hum dono he independent ho gae tab chance kyu nhi liya.... 
I want to give one more chance to my love. I'll never loose hope..first I'll make myself independent, will make my parents proud, and when you'll discharge your responsibilities...I'll come to you again...💜💜💜

Feeling anxious as usual..
Idk if its about work, love or life in general..
But lately I’ve been thinking about the decisions i have made. Specially in the aspect of love. I was in a 7 yr relationship, LDR on the last year cause i moved to another country. Left the relationship bcos of reasons or probably i just made them bcos i met someone whom i felt new and happy with.. who is somehow independent which is what i wanted.. i still feel guilty about it. Im with this guy now. I know he’s different but i sometimes compare him to my ex.. i miss the kind of love i had before but i made that decision of leaving. and i know in my heart he deserves better.. 😞

Anxiety

What does it means when a guy friends says " I like you" and sends red hearts
I know its very common in this gen z age 
But I've kindly friend zoned him for now
its not that I don't like him
I just got out of toxic relationship and now I don't trust anyone because i know they all approach me just because of their benefit

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts