I just need someone right now and it’s so hard it’s gotten to the point to I was spending so bad today I was about to end my life. The only thing keeping me alive is my little brother. I’m a 19 year old girl and I’ve been ran over so much I’m tired of living. I take care of my disabled mother, I have been for some time. I have given up everything I have had to give up. I’m use to people running over me, forcing me, stealing my money, cussing at me and shit. But… now people are doing the same to my little brother. See, my mother is use to toxic people. I always told myself once I graduate I’m leaving this toxic family. Then… my mom got sick and no one will help me take care of her. The only reason I stay in this house with my other family members is bc it’s my sister and uncle and they pay the bills. If there was a way I could pay bills and have help with my mother I would leave, I would find a cheap house and leave… today I found out I have a condition from stress… And i can’t have surgury until it gets worse… so ima just stay in pain until it gets life threatening… my friends/bfs have all left bc they say I’m toxic and have too much going on… I do have too much going on… I know i am not toxic tho… I just am in a messed up situation to where i can’t get out of. I am tired of being stuck this house, it’s been 2 years I’ve been just sitting here watching her to make sure she doesn’t die in her sleep or anything. I want something… a car, a job… anything so I can leave for a while… But I can’t get either unless I have one of the other. I wouldn’t mind watching over my mom if she tried… But she’s doesn’t try… she believes she’s going to die… And won’t let me call hospis… my brother to developing depression. I am thinking about suicide more often… And it’s just getting tiring being up all night and all day only sleeping for a bit, not getting appreacted or help for it… Like I’m so lost and I can talk about my feelings very well so this is prolly confusing. I just honeslty don’t know how much longer I can do this… And i know I won’t hurt myself bc of my brother But if I had a place for him to go or know he would he ok… I would… I just wanted to let it out. I’m tired of getting yelled at cursed at and treated like a kid when I do everything in this household… when I am basically the mother but bc everyone is older than me I get disrespected…
You need to put your foot down and do want you want and what’s good for you, if people want to treat you bad cut them out because you don’t need them, your born alone and die alone trust me you don’t need no one. You may be tired now but in the long run it will all be worth it, you will see just think about the future and what you are going to get to.
