i just hope i make the right choice everytime i make a choice in my friends

Relationships

Hey.....  Bittu 

3am Thoughts

Why is life so hard🥲

Lonely

Could I talk  someone? I haven't been feeling my self lonely, 😔

Breakup

While generally my friends manifest their beautiful life, i manifest to have the characteristics i have lost lately . My diary reads my teacher refering me as the "chirpy bubble" of her class , but that chirpy little kid has lost somewhere in the bubble. I want to be the same person again  who is excited about meeting new people keeping and catching up with the old ones ,not finding  reasons to avoid any social gathering. 

it all started with an exam , yes an exam , i know it sounds too wannabish to be affected by a "sheet of paper" , but that sheet of paper has actually changed my entire personality from a person who laughs on herself happily  to a person who hates herslef and cries about every flaw she had. most of the people judge it by saying its not big a deal and i am just over reacting , yes it is not maybe , but it has made me die inside and have sleepless nights like never before.  When i was a child i used to excell in all extra curricular actvities , i have bunch of certificates , practically till my inter i had no set backs (maybe thats this setback is huge for me). I accomplished all the goals set by me and efficiently , which led people hyping me up and thinking i could never fail.     Well who doesnt like people thinking high of them . It was 1 month to my exam and i knew i would fail (my mistake i didnt study properly) , but everyone kept telling me that i was a bright student and i will go through it , which created a tremedous social pressure , and that was the beggining of my anxiety period. I had never known anxiety , and i now wish to not know it now. Well for an entire month i had minor anxiety attacks. The month passed by and i failed in my exam. well that was not the worst part because i cried and almost everybody told it was okay , morever i expressed my self . Soon after then i had a lot of pressure from my family, soon i started loosing friends because of one thing or another, infact with some really closed ones i stopped contact .well now here i am complelely in a phase wherre i dont  remember when i was happy the last time, i feel umwanted every place i go to even with the close ones , i fail to keep up conversations , i can cry on any silly thing , i feel as unloved that i have stopped loving my self , but i cant rant this to anyone , because everyperson thinks its a pity issue and i am unncessarily making it huge , but only i can feel. this , i have been through nights where i kept my hands on my mouth so my sobbingf noise could not reach my parents , i have been through the phase where my most close people have started maintaining distnce from me , i hav been through a phase where i find comfort in seclusion rather than among people, i have been where no person thinks high of me , probably every one wants to be away because of the negatuve ass i have become , i have been through a phase where i have repelled everyone . and i am still in this phase
#struggling


Frustration

I found my earbudsss!!! 
They got lost last week and today I found them in a pile of my clothesss😂❤️❤️

Life

We both said "**I LOVE YOU**"
But the only difference is
I Did Not Lie

Still not over her. 

There's a Girl that i like, I wanna Be the one to hold her hands, Kiss those lips, The reasons for her smiles and Live my remaining time with her. But that seems to be impossible for we're both far away from each other, I'm too young to find a job to make money so that i can see her and i'm so afraid to express my feelings to her and It seems like my best friend and her are both chatting and getting close to each other. I feel like there's nothing i can do anymore but just stand from afar and watch her smile over the guy who'll take her hands. I'm so afraid that both her and my friend ends up being in a relationship and ends up her getting hurt. Seems like i'm gonna regret alot of things by the time i grow up, seems like i gotta keep asking myself "what if i did confess to her?" and many more questions. :') 

I was the one who brokeup. It felt like breaking your own heart into a thousand pieces. I can not see him getting hurt because of me, i wish i could erase all my memories from his mind.  I still love him.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts