Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I just hate myself… I don’t know how to cop with things … Growing up my parents were always busy in their own personal matter and all they did was saying me that they r busy and never the less tell me how different I’m from my big brother comparing every small things … I was never allowed to have any choice or freedom … I was alone … as my parents and brother was busy I was taught to lock myself in house at age of 6 … it wasn’t bad but it make feel lonely… Yet from the age of 6 to age 18 ,I was alone in that house… I was out only for school… but being alone … Build up my anxiety I don’t know how to speak with people till this day… In my teenage I was more of over public pleaser and every one used me for being that way … The only thing that help me was food … made me emotional eater …only thing to comfort me … And years in lockdown I went into isolation… cuted off everyone still I can’t make anyone my friend … cause I still believe everyone would happy if I won’t be in their life…my family goes on on for the way I am … I’m overweight and I hate the way I look…I don’t know how to speak with people, I don’t know how to smile, I don’t know how to be normal …
I don’t know if anyone would even read this but if u r reading this I want to thank you for reading