Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

i just found out the guy i like is r4cist. for context, i’m 15, female, and have never dated anyone or had my first kiss. i go to a school where i am one of the few bl4ck kids and i have dealt with plenty of r4cists. i was talking to one of my friends about this cute guy, i’m going to call him Jeff. I said I’d like for her to invite Jeff to her party since she is familiar with him. She invited Jeff. About a week after this happened, which is today. I talked with one of my friends at lunch and saw Jeff pass by. I told her to look and she saw Jeff. She said Jeff was r4cist, he hung out with r4cist kids and would give my friend dirty looks. My friend was the only bl4ck opgirl in her friend group and her old friend group was extremely r4cist towards her. I then see my other friend, the one who invited Jeff to her party. I tell her that apparently Jeff is r4cist, and my friend says, “Oh yeah, he is a little.” Then she proceeds to tell me that when she asked Jeff to come to her party, she said that there would be a lot of cute, single girls there. Jeff looked at the group chat with all of us in there, he clicked on my profile picture, then said he wasn’t interested in me. She never asked him to show or specify, he went out of his way to click on my photo and say that. Btw I’m the only bl4ck girl in the group chat. I decided not to go, not only because of Jeff. But because my “friend” had invited another kid who dressed up as a police officer for a halloween party, and during the party he pointed at nothing and shouted, “There’s a bl4ck person.” And him and many other guys were laughing along with him. Many of the guys laughing with him will also be at the party. I’m so tired of trying to make friends and reach out only for them to be like this. I feel so stupid and it hurts really bad to think that these people view me as less-than because of the color of my skin. So many kids at my school are r4cist. Most of the guys say very r4cist things, then the girls who claim not to be r4cist continue to hangout with them and date them. It really wears me out. Another kid who had a crush on me told me that if we went a hundred years back, I would be his sl4ve. This was a person who was obsessed with me for years and told me on multiple occasions that he liked me. It was obvious that he did, but r4cism in my area is just so normalized.