i just came to share something because my heart is heavy and i have no one to understand me
i had this friend of 5 years. it’s not a long period of time but it was only her for me at that time. but she isn’t like me. she had many people who love her- parents, boyfriend, friends. me i have parents but i stayed with my grandma so not a great touch. my school years it’s fucked up . i actually only had her.
We never fought until one day when i started telling her love life is toxic because i saw her crying on her knees asking to him sorry in mobile just for not talking to him all day during her exam times. she had her exam tomorrow and i went to say all the best and she was crying. i just went home didn’t say anything but after her exam period i told her everything abt my perspectives. we just texted and the tone each of us perceived ruined our entire conversation.
after that, we saw each other and asked sorry but my mind was flooded because i felt she only had me to talk about her boyfriend, to be a dump box about her boyfriend and nothing else. this thoight slowly pulled me away from her. and sad thing neither of us tried to contact each other. i wasn’t sad but whenever i hear her name and she is doing great , it kind of hurts me , making all my negative emotions flood through my mind. it makes me feel I’m worthless and I’m someone who’s a monster and she is suchaa goodness epitomic creature.
I’m talking about this becaz i heared about her today. basically we used to teach students as a part time job and share the amount. but i left that because i couldn’t stay near her after all the pain. the fact that i heared something like she is saving money from that , investing in account it’s just killing me. it’s not because she is earning . it’s because i lost my opportunity to earn i lost my only friend just because of a fragile incident and both of us never tried to fix it is tearing me apart.
Everything is impermanence…
