Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I have two extremely insecure people as my parents
My dad
he’s been neglected by his parents as a child and now as an adult, his younger brother is more successful than he, obviously his mother the opportunist she is prefers loving her younger son more… my dad never had friends or hobbies he just enjoys doing by himself he does have interests in cycling and gym amongst others but has no friends as such. He can get very violent towards himself when he’s angry and keeps himself engrossed with work he works really really hard and the two brothers have a joint company he, however, doesn’t get back as much as he works at least that’s what my mum thinks and so does he but he does nothing to change it or talk to his brother. He’s also never stood up for me in front of my mom(she’s abusive) or for my mom in front of his mother.
My mom
shes not had a healthy relationship with her mother and seems very insecure especially because She’s extremely possessive of my dad that’s all she’s achieved all her life all she wanted really marrying him. and she constantly keeps associating with other women when there is nothing of that sort. shes abusive to me and my other 2 siblings as well but mostly to me because I’m the eldest and shes had me as a puppet all for holding her marriage together and now when I’m 17 she controls every part of my life my clothes my time my anger my emotions shes verbally physically emotionally in every way abusive and shes extremely immature for her age she has this charade in front of her friends and family that we have a perfect family her perfect home husband etc. but I get tired of this nonsense cause the moment the guests leave we’re back to the hollow home. Shes held a past relationship of mine against me for sooo long stating that ive not been a good daughter because I was involved in a romantic affair the truth being Ive never been loved as a child cause she was too busy having her stupid little violent fights with my dad every week and though thats reduced over the years it was there for a considerable amount of my childhood and that relationship is all that I had it was toxic and now Ive ended it but I cant have any friends cause they dont ‘trust’ me and amongst all this Im lost Im lost with no privacy not even to close my door I dont talk to anyone at home she wont let me be close to my siblings I dont even have the simple interaction of hello hi or dinner together unless ofcourse there are guests. I want to live I want to be happy but this woman has made it so difficult to even find happiness in sitting alone in my room.it affects my productivity my health everything I keep feeling insecure about myself underconfident I cant talk to people cause they get tired of my constant whining about my mother and the way her regular abusive behaviour affects my days. Im exhausted and want to get into a good college but she wants me to stay with her in dubai which I dont want I want to go to uk I want to get into a medical college away from her I just dont know how long and why does it all seem so far? I want to be happy I want her gone I want to find peace I want to have normal days and I want to feel like me not a hollow person constantly trying to change the way she feels