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Mental HealthPTSD Trigger Warning
Anonymous

trigger warning

I have ptsd from being molested as a child, neglected, abandoned, physically abused, having an abortion, and self abandoning and living a high risk life style.

I don’t know what it’s like to feel safe.
I don’t know what it’s like to not wake up feeling hyper alert like I never slept.

I don’t know how to relax and enjoy anything.
It’s hard for me to have small fun conversations when all I have running through my head is “what threat is coming now”.
 
When my episodes calm down, and I start to feel okay, almost the feeling of safe and relaxed, i shield up and no one is allowed in.

My inner voice is so hateful towards
myself.

7 Comments
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Anonymous

Hey there! I am so sorry that you went through all this as a child. Just wanted to ask that have you considered professional help and therapy? Talking about your ptsd and problems might help you :)

Nonetheless, you are a strong woman and I wish more love, power and strength to you❤️

s

I am extremely sorry about the experience you’ve had. No one can imagine what you went through. But you have to understand that whatever happened is NOT your fault. Don’t hate yourself, it will worsen your emotional healing. May you find the strength to move past these incidents and start afresh. More power and love.

Anonymous

dear anonymous,
i know that feeling of hyper alertness as an almost survival instinct…and I can imagine how your past would have contributed to this nature. i wish i could tell you that it goes away, maybe it does for certain people, but it hasn’t really gone away completely for me. at the very least it, has subsided to the point where it doesn’t manifest physically but is just a constant stressor on my mind. dealing with smaller challenges to begin with has helped to get a point where i can enjoy the every day life. to begin with, talking about it really helps, it helps in the catharsis and letting go of all that trauma, or at least just accepting it. therapy really helps in this case. what you’re going through are all part and parcel of ptsd, so don’t worry, all you need is a bit of professional help and otherwise if you need someone to talk to, we’re all always here for you

n

I understand. I cannot get help for my trauma. Because it involves too many abusers and would be forced to change the status quo to help me. They provoked me to suicide as a child and I fight it now every day with no resources. Just want to leave a note since reading you helps me feel less alone. I’m very sorry for your pain and the mistreatment you endured. I have figured that being traumatized for life is the warriors experience and that and marijuana and mushrooms is probably the only thing that keeps me alive. I figure our ancestors couldn’t even fathom healing from any trauma and they must have endured more than modern people. The weird thing is, when I was diagnosed w PTSD, everyone had been telling me “there is no danger, your panic is mental illness” and then I found out I’d been abused outside of my awareness and was indeed in danger. Thanks mental health system and society. Good luck to you and any other readers, good luck being a warrior and may you find healing peace.

n

It makes me enraged that children have nowhere to go when their parents are unsafe or illequipped to parent. This shouldn’t have happened to you, humans should be protecting new, weak and young life and I don’t understand why it’s this way, where so many of us don’t even have a chance at a fair life.

Anonymous

This is just heartbreaking and such a sad, bitter reality. It’s so unfair, life is just so unfair at times.

k

Hello dear, it’s so nice of you to share about yourself with us. You suffered alot throughout life and still you are here. It means you are really strong and have that courage to overcome the problems. More power to you.