Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I have posted this earlier but not clearly but im feeling like sharing all without being judged here…
Im 24 years old girl. Although i have many problems but abi me hallucination and ptsd k bare me baat krna chahti hu jo muje hote h bachpan se. Im just venting out here and need suggestions for my hallucinations and ptsd except visit to a psychiatrist bcoz i can’t tell anyone in my family abt it for that.
When i was in childhood…jbse smjne lgi hutbse i have seen my father use to beaten up my mother badly…like she is not a human. Bachpan me mujse koi galti ho jati thi tb bhi uske liye he used to scold my mother slap her for no reason…tbse ab tk me koi bhi glti nhi krti hu…bcoz i know ki uski saza meri mummy ko milegi…jese vo chahte the vese rhi hu bachpan se…
Tbse bs muje hallucination hote hai ki mere papa khi mummy ko…jb bhi esa lgta me bhaag k ko unki aawaj hallucinate krti hu…although ab papa utne voilent nhi h but fir bhi muje esa lgta h jese hi koi aawaj aati h me jake mummy ko check krti hu k she is okay naa…unko nhi pta chlne deti ki meri mental conditions ka…bs thoda relax feel krti hu unko thik dekh kr…or fir smjati khud ko ki sb thik h vo sirf hallucination tha…ab hr baar toh check krne se rhi na specially raat ko…although ab mere papa violent nhi h pr fir bhi abi tk bhi koi aawaj aati h or muje darr lg jata h andr se…me apne kaan p hath rkh leti hu and aankhe bnd kr leti hu…sb kuch vps dimag me gumne lga jata h…ab raat ko toh jake check bhi nhi kr skti na bs rote hue so jati hu soch k ki sb thik hi h…everyone in my family dealing with some mental issues but me sbko sambhal leti hu or khush rkhne ki koshish krti hu but fir me khud ko nhi smbhal payi hu bs… i really don’t know how to deal with it kuch smj nhi aata h kbi kbi toh mann krta h ki…
Plz ab yaha koi police ka gyan mt dena pls…muje mere mental prblm k liye help chahiye if u can…
Thanks for reading this post.