I have no idea what im doing in my life

few days ago, I finally realised I'm an adult now. i guess the covid years made me miss out on the graduation ceremonies. I didn't realised school is already long over.

Now I've left my job due to the intial plan to further my studies.

But I'm feeling anxious cuz what do I even want to study? I have no dream job. No interest in any particular thing. 

Confusion

Hey, so i wanna share a really crazy story about my life and i need your reply about this.. 
so a few years ago my mom told me if my sister can talk with God. I know it doesnt make sense, but i was 14 yo that time and i was believe it. I dont know why. So long story short, my family did everything my sis said because my sis told us if it’s “God’s words” 
and then, my life became worse. I cant go to school anymore because “God” said i didnt need school anymore and He promise i will be success. I know it’s crazy. Also, i dont have friends anymore. I mean.. really, not friends. Even not a friend. Because “God” said i didnt need friends like mine. and then so many crazy things happened to my life. Now, after a few years i still feel lonely even though I have friends now. Sometimes i also feel trauma and depressed about my life. 

Mental Health

Good evening everyone 
So i want to share my thought 
My bf  has went for some official work to New Delhi from last 5 days. I can say he is busy but he didn't call me and text me when I am texting him than he will respond or he will see and but didn't respond 
What should I do in this situation 

Relationships

I hate the fact that I don't socialise a lot, or talk to my family a lot. I think they think I'm a disappointment. 


Depression

I came to know this guy (who's my friend rn)during the beginning of 2018 while we were in college. Since November 2018 my feelings for him are bit confusing. I feel so happy to talk to him and I love making him laugh for my silly jokes, I wish to know him better and all but whenever we aren't talking I seem to miss him a lot.  Now that college is over and we've become busy I feel distant and I don't want to feel distant. It's been almost a year since we met in person and these days I miss him a lot. What is this irresistible feeling called? Why is he always in my thoughts no matter how busy I am ? I have never been in a relationship or love or had a crush on anyone. I'm curious if he thinks the same about me but I'm afraid to ask because I can't figure out what I am actually feeling rn.. so what am I going through right now? 

Love

Log pyaar karte hai.. hum shaadi krenge 👰💒

Missing my ex. Seems like he's doing very very good. And I'm in the dumps. Physical ailments, mentally not good, socially isolated. I gave him too much power over me and now I'm lost. Completely destroyed. It's been 3 yrs. Still I am not doing good so please don't tell me time heals. I gave my all, I was all in but I really don't know how to half love someone. I have been punishing myself and facing its consequences. I wanna run back to him cz I feel lost and he was my comfort. My logical side knows it's not what it is but my emotions can't catch up. I'm torn between the extremes. I need help. It's starting to feel like I'm the loser and he wins despite harassing me and troubling me alott. The villian is winning and I'm just doomed. 

Breakup

How do you post gifs here which are not on giphy?

3am Thoughts

I think for about three years I worked hard in my college to get a job in a particular company, well I didn't make the cut. I did get a job though in another good company as well. I hate being an average but at the end of the day, average is all I am. 
I am working again to make it to that particular company and well I hate it, I absolutely hate it. 
I'm not from a very well-off family and I want to contribute. Making it to that company will really help me contribute well to my family.
Today I met someone working in that company, well I've been depressed ever since. I can't find my will to get back. 
The only difference between me and the guy I met is consistency. That guy is consistent. And I am not. It's just that someday I find everything to be absolutely pointless. I know I want to help my family but I know I can help them with the current job I have but it is just patience that I do not possess. I want to get it over fast. 
Settle all debts and leave, go somewhere where I don't have a burden. 
I just want to breathe. This weight I carry just wants to make me rest.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts