I have my school starting tomorrow. And I really wanna be a person who enjoys their last months in school since i’m in 12th and I have had nothing but fomo all the 11th and 12th grade. Can you please me some advice on how to work on myself

FOMO

Happy diwali.
Ping me if you are a story teller. Let's begin this special day with happiness, I will absorb all your worries.
Konjam Tamil ah irutha Nala irukum

Celebration

First love is first

3am Thoughts

Going to school is not one and only source of study you can learn many things from outside 

Career

I am in grade 10th and my boards are in a month, i really want to study but for some reason i just can't, i am really scared because in my pre boards i did not get a good result, i have always been a good student, i never got 90%and stuff, but i was never below 80% but in this last pre board i got a 45%. And since then, i am extremely scared, these are considered the most important exams of one's life, even tho i know it is not true, and that the marks i score in 10th wouldn't matter in the long run, i am scared about what my parents will say. Ever since the last exams, my mother has been nagging me about my marks in every single conversation, if i'm eating she'll be like-"it's okay that you're eating, but plz score good marks",  if i'm talking to her about something funny that happened, she goes- " this is all you do, why don't you ever study." But i do study, i try atleast, i am trying and i know i am studying, but now i'm doubting myself. I told her about how i felt about her constant nagging about a week ago, and she started crying and saying stuff like- " what i say is for your own good, we do so much for u all we are asking for are good results in your exams. If u have a problem with it,i won't even say anything to you." And the thing is, this constant nagging and parents abusing their children physically is so normalised here, that whenever i tell someone about how wrong it is they say- " it's normal everyone's parents do that, it's no big deal. Every one does that." But, if everyone does something, it doesn't make it appropriate right? Also i wanted to persue journalism, but when i told people about it, they said, i don't have the skills required. Things like- " u need connections to become a journalist, but you are socially awkward and you don't even talk to anyone." And it is true i avoid talking to people, cause if i do, they'll start making jokes about my body. I am fat u see, and everyone comments on that, which bothers me. The one time that i did stand up for myself, people shut me up saying things like- " bodypositivity won't unclog those arteries". And much more. Even my mom has said some very mean things about this, she has called me elephant and stuff, that too in front of people. I just don't know what to do. And i am trying to lose weight, but it is not easy, but people just can't understand that. I have a lot to study but i am not able to, i had thought about pursueing journalism, but now i'm unsure, i just don't know what to do. I am trying to study, but idk it's just something i can't do right now. I'm extremly scared, what if i score bad marks, my mom is going to be extremely dissapointed, I love her, i really do, but this constant nagging about marks my weight is really getting to my head now. Also, there was this family friend, their daughter commited sucide because of her marks in thr board exams. She was always a good student straight A's all her life, but in the 12th standard she got less marks, and commited sucide. This has been scaring me for a very long time now, and when i talked to my mom about it, and hoe many children kill themselves after exams, and how it is scaring me, she said that i was trying to blackmail her by saying that i will commit sucide if she keeps nagging me. That was definetly not what i was doing, i was scared, i trusted her, and i just wanted to talk to her about my feeling, and what is scaring me right now,but she thinks i'm trying to blackmail her by saying i'll commit sucide if she keeps nagging me and i don't get good marks. She even told my tacher about it. She said the word blackmail too. I just don't know what to do. What if i do not get good marks, i know i am not weak,i know i will never kill myself based on some stupid report card which won't even matter in 5 five years, but what if. 

Obesity

Tum saath ho yaa na hoo kyaa fark hain !!
Be dard thi zindagi be dard hain !! Agar tum saath ho !! ❤️🥺🥺

I m in so much physical and mental pain
Feel like i m wasting my life

Depression

Do you ever get flashbacks from the past, like you're just doing something and then suddenly you remember what happened with you 3 years ago and you start to feel sad and think about all the things you could've have said and all the things could've done, and how it could've been so different if only you weren't like that in past only to accept it all amf feel bizarre in the end.

I feel sad today. I proposed my best friend whom I fell in love with. She taught me to love myself sometimes. I used to hate myself. A few weeks back , when I proposed her , she told me she was not interested in relationships rn. Until today I believed her but today , she told me she’s madly in love with someone. I just couldn’t bear it. I think I’m breaking down. I want her to be mine and mine only. Jus cant stop my tears.

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