I have little to no memory of my past except the time when I was getting beaten up or bullied or abused. I can’t remember anything else from my childhood. I graduated last year and even non-traumatic memories from college time I can’t remember. I’m thankful that I have pictures to recall few but even in some pictures where I was actively posing and was aware that picture was being taken, I don’t remember that being taken. Everything in my life seems blur. I don’t have much pictures from my childhood and it feels like I never had one. I experience frequent anxiety attacks where I’m unable to catch a breath and can’t stop myself from crying endlessly and sometimes the reason for these attacks is so small but it triggers me. I get flashbacks of all the bad things happened with me. I haven’t had a good sleep in so many years without waking up in middle because of nightmares. I have no energy left to even drink water from the bottle that’s sitting in front of me.
What’s the point of living such life?
start now. here. this moment. there is whole lot of things ahead.
