I have depression since 5 years , but it is not like i am sad all the time , i laugh at jokes too , i am the same person for people outside my bubble , but late at nights i get this pain in my chest and my heart and it is a very sharp like someone is poking it with a needle , i don’t know how but sometimes i get triggered by my depression in public or even when i am around people .
I just , just want to disappear bcz i know it wouldn’t affect anyone nor would anyone care ,
i really love my mom but i was physically abused by her all my childhood i still remember the way she called me a slut and some really horrible words when i was only 10 year old or beat me till it didn’t affect me anymore , but i don’t understand how does she not remember when i confront her today at the age of 18 , it makes me sad and physically and mentally sick !
how do i trust people when the only thing i have ever experienced is a backstab from the people once most closest to me
I am done , i am tired , i am …i don’t even know anymore what i am