I have been on this path of Self-destruction but it has gotten out of control for the past 2-3 years. I have been manipulating and stealing from my family, showing the world I am something which I’m not. I take advantage of my mother’s innocence and milk money out of her pockets and spend it on hotel rooms, drugs & alcohol. I used to have a friend of 7 years who I would spend the money with but I recently cut off with her. I am still very young but I am with debt up to my ass, which makes me steal more money knowing the fact that it’s wrong and I have to stop. I am actually a very intelligent and conscious person but I have this other personality that just takes over and destroys everything. I am diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder but I’ve been stable for quite some time. Still, I just feel terrible every day because of all the lying, stealing, manipulating, treating my parents like shit even though they are the only people who are genuinely there for me. How do I forgive myself? I know I’m onto the path of change, I am really, changing my behaviour and everything, but it’s still under process. Moreover, I need to know how to stop the negative self-talk, keep telling myself that I am a fraud, a cheat, a liar, an asshole, I am those things, but it has gotten to a point where I’m much better and I am longing for better things in life, adopting a normal behaviour, earning honest bucks, taking care and respecting my parents, taking care of myself. There’s so much I want to do but I just feel that I have done so many wrongs that I can never be forgiven and can never be given a chance to change and come to terms with myself that I am trying to be a better person, or even the fact that there will be a time where I won’t hate how fucked up I am. I’m a bad human being, I take advantage of people, show that I’m emphatic, I’m extremely egoistic and I unknowingly and unintentionally put other people down sometimes by trying to out-smart them. I just want to feel normal. I want to become better. I am trying, but I don’t know if I will ever get a chance to redeem myself if that makes sense. Will my wrongs be made right, will I have the capacity to carry on till a point that I actually pay back for the shit I did in the past, and low-key, still do sometimes. Fuck. Please help me. I can’t carry on.
Yuuhuuu @livelikeuloveit
Hey calm down you are go to go now your realising thing is a first step to get your old self and talk to some professional and look to your newly born pic of yourself which help you to see true take out all your childhood pic and just look into it don’t look to others just yours and tell yourself that you will be protected now and make yourself get back on track by talking with professionals don’t embarrase they will not judge you and start trusting yourself hope you find your way and have faith this is life you’re never late nor early believe in yourself 🌼🌼🌼
