Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Im so sorry but i think I’ll be more comfortable sharing it with you anonymously

Nobody actually according to me has problems like i have. And it’s really very embarrassing.

This is just to make you relax only and I am okay if you are more comfortable in this way…!!

But didn’t you feel its looks like we are just speaking and speaking even we don’t know that nxt person is there to listen or responding…?

If you are okay then fine you share the way you want

Im actually very grateful that you replied to my post. Idc about other people even one’s opinion or help is enough for me i feel. Should i start?

Yea pl go ahead

And you are a depression counsellor.i have been thinking about ending my life since a month or two .I thought of talking to somebody on call but I couldn’t so i found this website seems helpful.

Yea I think so and that’s why I asked you to connect only

All will be confidential don’t worry

So i live in a joint family. My mom, dad, uncle and my aunt. We are actually a really nice family but with time yk how people change. Slowly my mom and aunt started to have some problems at home like my aunt turned veg and very religious but us we don’t criticise people being too religious or veg but we are still non vegetarian. So a lot of shit like that happened and my mom had to make a seperate kitchen at home that is also fine. But what they did wrong was they never gave me a space never gave me my privacy. I had a place at home to sleep tho but not really. There was an extra small room attached to my parents room and they somehow just made it my room and my uncle criticises me and makes me feel horrible in front of people. Our house is big. We have around 7 rooms at our place. But as my aunt and uncle are elder they’ve captured almost every room possible. Like you can say I don’t exactly have my own wardrobe also. And they just like pulling my leg and stuff in front of people yk. Like it used to feel like home but it doesn’t feel like home anymore. It doesn’t. I feel like I don’t belong here. And also my parents when i say this to them they take it very lightly. I mean it’s like I’m being bratty about things but no i feel like i belong nowhere. This is not my home and i cannot do things freely here around. They just don’t try to fix themselves. My father also could’ve done something about it maybe like moved out of the house with my mom and me but this house is our grandpa’s and we can never leave it like that yk. Also we had some financial issues and idk my parents are just not hardworking. They don’t give me things that are deserving. It’s very unhealthy and toxic here if you see

Bs itni c baat …!!!

May I know your age ??

My uncle and aunt always treated me in some different way man also my parents. I used to fight with them telling why tf don’t you own this house a bit but i don’t know they just don’t give a shit never. And now i study in Delhi and i stay there with my cousin sister. She has also been through some tough times and i understand that. She blames her brother for that. And now I’m in my last year and i think she’s been doing what her brother did to her. She’s been doing that to me. She is manipulative af. I have no life of my own any fucking where. Sorry for the cuss but I’m very depressed atm i dont know how to act. I don’t want to stay with her. I’ve called my mom so many times from Delhi telling her I can’t anymore. It’s just depressing man. I’m a different person and she is a completely different person now as she is the elder one she talks like she owns and knows everything yk. And it’s just very annoying. She wants all the attention and tells everybody to do this and that for her and everything. We also have a dog there and she doesn’t look after her. It gets sooo annoying like sometimes even i wanna rest but she can’t see me rest. I don’t bother her when she is resting i do my work but she is just too annoying and i cannot stay with her anymore

Hmmmm

I am reading your txt…!!!
You may pl tell me once your side will be complete and then I will rvert you

This is the challenge to ans or discuss as anonymous

That happened for quite a long time and i just couldn’t anymore and i decided to come back home thinking that I’ll feel better but for fucks sake no. I’m feeling worse. I punched the fuck out of myself in front of my mother i lost my shit. I actually don’t even like my parents they do nothing about it. Just because of the news that I’m coming back my uncle left home and went to his relatives place to stay because he is scared of me and the corona thing. Now i understand that also because he is turning old and everything but my aunt used to call and tell me that” don’t come home there is no space for you out here you stay there I’ve kept my clothes and my essentials in every room possible how will i let you go near my stuff” i mean that’s my home too!!! And my parents cannot do shit about it and just brag brag brag untill finally she left this room for me. It’s like ehsaan jataya hai mere upar. I actually for real feel like i have nowhere to go. I cannot go back to Delhi nor can I stay at my own damn house. Death actually seems like the legit last option left.

Wait wait wait death is not an option at any cost

Yes please read everything. Because i don’t think that it’s something small. Badi baat lagti hai yeh mujhe. Because kabse seh k aa rahi hu and i feel like a burden. As i told you earlier this might not affect other people but it does to me. Sabso sab cheez alag alag effect hota hai what i think and I’m not in a good condition. I have been crying all day and night and I’m not this type of person like can’t my parents see that I’ve changed and I’ve stopped enjoying my life. I hardly spoke to them. I’m not being able to fall asleep properly because I’m like wtf am i doing here!? I don’t belong here then i think about going back to Delhi and I’m again like it’s worse there and imgonna be alone there and what if i do something really wrong. Then that’s it

Hmmm okay I understand your situation and your thought process too…!!!

I don’t have any medicine but yes I have a thought processor which may be help you to think like out of the box to make you more comfortable and easy

Please make my mind change or maybe give me strength or empower me to do something and make a change in my life pleasee i really need help

And I’m really sorry my problem seems hard for me to manage and handling is something else. Sorry my problems are wayyy too long to make you spend more time here sorry for that and but i really appreciate what you’re doing. My parents don’t even try. Thank you so much

Dear anonymous

I want to give you an example 1st thn you decide in which way you want to connect

If I write
I am angry ???

Do you able to understand how I really feel ?

And if I write

I am angry 😡 ??

Hope you understand a bit

But if I start directly behaving with anger or shouting on you loudly at that moment do I really need to tell you that I am angry ???

I mean i will see it in your behaviour

Absolutely

So now you have to decide do you really need a genuine ans or solution for your problem

Or I just type something and you make them visualise and get the solution ??

One more thing if a child wants to eat food but his mother gave them a recipe book do you think that child will get food from that book ???

Obviously not he will get only after he start preparing or ask help from his mother to cook food as per book for him

Through these examples I only wants to say there is a way for every thing until we didn’t choose the right way we didn’t get the proper solution for the same.

Im sorry but I can’t understand i mean i do but i cannot relate and compare and find the solution out of it

It’s like hard to process. Because my mind you know

I think you should connect on call.

I don’t think I’m in a condition to talk and I’m very embarrassed. I’m actually fine being anonymous. You complete explaining then I’ll reply to you. Sorry

But i understand like maybe I’m not using the right way to tackle this problem because I’m an introvert you can say. Maybe the technique is different in my case.

Its not like that the only thing is I can help you by explaining real facts behind the pictures as you are more comfortable in writing in the same I am more in speaking instead of writing.

So it cannot be solved. Umm i can try calling

Is it fine to call you right now?

Sir can i do it tomorrow!? It is really hard for me to talk to someone all of a sudden about my problems. Please let me make my mind tonight. I will reach out to you tomorrow and call you. It’s hard right now for me

No prob 😊👍🏻

Because i hVe never in my life spoke to people about my problems. Yk. I’m that girl who secretly tries cries and gets over her ex. Sorry sir

I understand your situation and no need to apologise its fine keep smile

Thank you sir
Goodnight and stay safe out there.

Appreciate all of it

If yuh able to understand Punjabi so I write a quote;

Kur kure nyoh lga, visreya kartar…!
Kis nal kije dosti, sab kag chalanhar…!!

So belive in that true spiritual power a great master who know much better for us…!

And don’t worry about your problems I am sure you will not think about your problems tomorrow after.