I have a very genuine and pure hearted boyfriend but he also have some major trust issues. He always loved me he never wanted to be in a relationship with because he knew that he won’t be able to trust me because he has gone some very bad stuff and he had no faith in relationship. I was very much in love with him so I begged him to get into a relationship because I thought we be together he’ll again gain faith in relationships. After getting into relationship he used to doubt at me every now and then but initially I always dealt with it with patience, but over the time I started losing it and we used to have huge fights. I’m living with my boyfriend and since I’m an introvert I don’t have much friends I don’t go out a lot and I only go out with my boyfriend I’m doing everything I can to help him get over his trust issues.
Recently I had to go to my parents place to meet my cousins for a day, I told my boyfriend the same. When I got there I got to know that my other cousins were also visiting us so I had to extend a day. I called my boyfriend and informed him he didn’t say anything on call but after few hours I got a text from him and he was asking me if I were planning to leave him, I assured him via text that it’s nothing like that and I’ll coma as soon as I can. Then next morning as soon as I woke up I saw his text he was saying “I know that you’re going to leave me so I’m ending this and I don’t want to see your face ever” after seeing this text I completely lost it and I cursed at him via text after that he called me and we started fighting he was accusing me of cheating on him. I was really mad all I wanted to do was to spend some quality time with my family, I then went back to my place I yelled and cried I told him I didn’t do anything wrong I never did I’m trying to help you and I don’t deserve this. He then also started crying he accepted his mistake and apologised many times he said that when I was away only one thought was coming in his mind that my family is going to get me married to someone else I made him understand how irrelevant that thought was, my family knew him and they like him. We both were trying to find solutions trying to fix it but we can’t we just kept fighting and fighting all day things got really out of hand he was leaving to stay at his uncle’s place, I asked him to give me his uncles number because I wanted to make sure he is okay, he denied and started to pack his things I really got very furious I stood up to get my phone he was in the way so I pushed him, I really pushed him hard but I wasn’t trying to hurt him, I pushed him so hard that he could have got seriously injured but fortunately nothing happened to him then he started yelling at me and he slapped and punched me. After a while when we both came to our senses he realised what he did and he was crying and crying all night he said that after this he can’t be with me.
I know that this relationship is very toxic but I seriously don’t want to lose him I didn’t mentioned the thing which has happened to him in his past but those things were brutal. It would easily give anyone major trust issues. I love him I don’t want to lose him I want him to go to therapy and get help but for some reason he always refuses to go, he says that he’ll do anything but go to therapy. I don’t know how to help him. Trust me he is a pure soul and I want to see him get better I just don’t know how. I don’t know what to do I’m helpless I planned my future with this guy but how can I stay with him if he is not able to trust me. If anyone knows how to deal with this please let me know 🙏
Bhut lmbi story h
Thanks for letting me know
I really think he should get therapy. I don’t see any other way he would get better.
Can’t imagine what would happen in the future considering he slapped and punched you now. I really appreciate you wanting him to get better and seeing his good side. But he should also try to get better and should start therapy else I don’t see a good future honestly. I am a bit worried about you.
I know that therapy is the only way but he refuse to go and I can’t force him. He doesn’t have parents I’m all he has and I can’t leave him at his own. He has really done a lot for me and my family and for everyone.
The only thing he wants is trust. There is one way you can help him, give him as much love as can. Try to show him at every moment that you are with him and not gonna leave him ever. Marry him if you want and then slowly slowly he will start gaining trust again.
How much time will it take??? We have been together for a year now and I was actually planning to marry him. We were building a home together. Half of the time we spent together is good we laugh together and enjoy each other’s company but the other half is just so devastating. I’m kinda afraid all the time even tho I’m not doing anything wrong.
Dont just plan you both should marry soon. Give him as much love and care as you can. Ask him what is that making you to not have trust on me try to communicate and also try to make him know that you are not gonna leave him ever
I know the about the thing which gave him such major trust issues, those things are really dark and I don’t want to put them here, the only thing that will help is therapy but he is extremely scared of it, maybe there is something in his past which he doesn’t want to bring up. How can I help him to get over his trauma?
He just neen love care and the most important you “ATTENTION” you have to take care of him all the time you have to be their when he neend you presence
I’m always there for him, and I want to be there for him but lately it is becoming more and more difficult, I have done everything for him, I’m living with him I stopped talking to people he thinks that I was having affairs with and I almost avoided going home thinking that it might make him sceptical. I don’t know what more I can do.
His only therapy is YOUR LOVE, CARE, TIME and ATTENTION
Still somehow all those things are not enough, I really want him to get better it is affecting him more than it is affecting me, imagine not having the ability to trust someone who you love the most, to always have the voice in your head which tells you that the other person is cheating on you and she is gonna leave you. That is very exhausting for him, sometimes I think that maybe it’ll be better if we had never met at least than he won’t be going through all of this.
There in no point in continuing, you should end it… take your time and try to realise your value
It is not that easy to end it I love this guy he has done some great things for this world, and he loves me a lot, he gave me the best time of my life. I agree with you that there is no point but I can’t just leave him at his own.
Relationship is about trust and respect, if you will choose to be with him he will keep doubting you always and forever
I know that and tbh as the days go by and with every fight I’m losing the respect for him, there is nothing I can do about it
You are delaying the separation which is increasing the attachment,
You are not with him for temporary dating, you are seriously looking for marriage. And he will not get better no matter what because he don’t have any issue, he just took you for granted
He knows very well that he has issues he wants to work on it but refuses to go to therapy because of something which happened in the past which I also don’t know. After our last fight I’m scared for him and myself.
I can’t help you unless and until you will stop defending him
I’m sorry, but I also want people to know his side.
It’s ok, don’t take my words in wrong way. But it’s just that you can’t help him if he don’t want to help himself. In real love a person improve himself/herself for their partner. But he don’t want to work on himself which means that If you will continue to be with him , you will make a bad decision
You’re right, I really gave my everything to this relationship and I wanted it to work. By I’m started to lose my temper I’m started to say the most hurtful things in our arguments. I’m just fed up of the constant slut shaming and false allegations. He thinks that I’m having an affair with one of friends whom I only met once at his place when they all were having a party and my bf invited me, I don’t have that guys number, we never met after that. But the reason he thinks that I’m having an affair with him is because his friend once dated a girl he liked. I kept trying to make him understand but he always say that he doesn’t want to talk about it. But ever time we fight we bring that topic up.
Nothing will work, he will never ever understand you, am saying it on my experience
I am shaying from the experience necause i am also like this but not i have trust issue i keeping repeating thing that you will leave me n all but only when i feel someone is not happy with me bevause i shout and fight at them…
He know it well that he is making your life toxic and difficult each passing day and he fears that one day when you will really fed up with him will leave him… You have to show him that’s all you can do…
When he doubt at you you just listen and say okay let see what happen or say okay now we are togher enjoy it or say anything that will assure him that you are with dont get tired of this things when he says because when you will get tired of him that will make him more assured that one day when you will be fed up of all the bad thing he is doing with you you will leabe him…
And this is what i think about the people i live so much
The thing i always fear of has happened in my life my only friend left me because of my fear of lossing her, she did everything for me but still i feared because i knew that i get angery at her and in anger i shout and fight with her why will she toleratw me for too long if i will remain like this way only
Are you okay now?
Yes i am
Thank you
You both can get marry if you really love him so much after getting married you can talk to him for therapy go with
You habe onmy two ways: leave him or accept him.
If you will leave hum because he is getting toxic then his fear will become true.
If you accept him you life will not be easy for soany year untill he is out of his fear.
But please dont show anything that you are fed up of everything you can not tolaerate him anymore because he is punching you
I do want to marry him but I don’t think that is the solution for his trust issues. The biggest fear of mine is what is we have a child and he still doesn’t trust me, I really don’t want to raise my kid in a toxic environment. No child should pay for the fault of their parents
Then leave him… He will manage mushkil hoga but no other option
That would be the right thing to do I guess. But I’m worried about his life before we met he attempted suicide two times, I’m also scared about leaving him because he might take his life.
Ya to apne liye socho aur apne liye jeeyo ya phir uska socho aur uske liye jeeyo… You can nit stand on two boat at the same time
You have only two ways*
What???
You are very confuse and in tbis situation you must visit some experts counseling
I have many times, a lot of times it did help but then again my therapist told me to be like wall just listen everything and don’t take anything personally, but it is so hard to do that, the thing I have to hear the slut shaming the constant allegations and all this is nonsense, I’m losing my sanity
Leave him other 3 people are gonna suffer bable you, child and that guy. So its better to leave him this way only one will suffer
You are actually making sense, I really wish there to be a way through which I can help him
First ypu ask yourself what you do want for you not for that guy… How you want to live your life… You have to ask yourslef only then you will get the answer for the problem you are in
I just want a peaceful life, nothing more.
Leave him… He is not gonna be okay unless he wish to. Ask him to do therapy for you if stikl you deny then leave him
He keeps denying to go to therapy I asked him several times all he says that he’ll do anything but go to therapy. I really wish there to be another way but I don’t think there is
Leave him if he cant do this for you and for his betterment
Actually he is not ready to accept that he is doing bad or he may forgets after you become ok after a fight… He will realise one day but for this you have to keep distance from him
You are hurted too and you have to make him realise that he is really not doing okay you need him but he is constently making it difficult for you to live with him talk to him seriouly
Ask him what he really wants from you and from his life… Does he really wants to be with you does he loves you more than anything, ask him each and everythung questions you are having in your mind right now
I did many times but everything we have this conversation he says that he loves me more than anything (which he actually do) and then things go back to normal for few days but if he find a tiny bit of possibility that I might be cheating on him or I’m gonna leave we started fighting again. I can’t always be patient sometimes I also lose my temper and say the most hurtful things to him. I’m just fed up of the slut shaming the false allegations and the “R” word it really messes with my head. He thinks that I’m having an affair with one of his friend whom I only met once at our place, I don’t have his number I have never ever talked to him again and I have no intention of dating that guy. Still he thinks that there is something between us because his friend dated a girl who he used to like. Now tell me where I’m at fault here, every time I try to bring up that topic he just says that he doesn’t want to talk about it over the period I thought he he knew that there is nothing going on between us but recently when I asked him he said that he still thinks that there was something going on. I can’t make him understand there is nothing I can do to prove my innoc
anonymous @kratika
And dont get affraid of this world duniya kya kahegi vo kya sochega ki main selfish hu phir aap depression me chale jao iska koi matlab nhi banta you have to choose one thing gracefully agar aap nahi apne loye sochogi ti aur koi nahi sochega he dont want to think of him is his choice… He dont want to be okay then let him do
