Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I have a brother . When we were young we were pretty close. we play with each other. And we get along well. But somehow along the way of growing up we both stopped talking to each other. I thought if i just go with the flow it will be alright someday. I was always that type of person always sitting in the back seat of my life. I thought it will be okay. But days went by years has gone. He hasnt talk to me properly .and i constantly feel he hates me. I don’t hate him how can I hate my brother.i thought if i gave enough importance in my life then i would be courageous enough to talk to him. But even each time i meet him I can’t get myself to talk to him. I have already done it too many times in my mind but in reality i suck. Now I am thinking of letting go .coz it fucking girts i hav cried on it too much that i don’t hav tears anymore. I feel like maybe this is how it is supposed to be.when my frnds talk to me ABT their sibling i am like will i really be okay? I hav already talked ABT this to my 2 bst frnds they all said I should I should talk to him aaaahh if it was easy as it sounds …i don’t know what to do .i am not really asking any kind of advice coz i guess it will be same answer anyway so i guess I am just venting it out
I am okay😀