I hate myself that I feel awkward to someone I considered special, and very close to me. It's as if I can't break the wall that I surrounded myself with though I want to... for him. I said I'm comfortable with him, but I'm just lying to myself. But I want to be comfortable with him but I just can't! Anyways, I love him and currently trying to move on coz it's a one sided love. How to freakin' break this damn wall? How to be comfortable with him? 

Special
Special you want the day
for a person you consider special
Comfortable how will you be
for a special deserve special
when last you considered 
self so special?

Hey there ,
           Don't worry about what happens lastly, think what's the next to you, make him so proud to you by getting a good and brave decision to your life .

Lonely

When i get anxious about something, that thing turns out to be easy going. However, whenever I am loose and vague about things, they turn out to be damn shitty and hard. Like what do you want me to do, stress out and kill myself over things which will eventually burn me out and turn out to be trivial as fck or not worry and them things start to matter ?!?
What the heck really!







3am Thoughts

OOOOOH can u guys believe i finished my first year as a college student and all my efforts and hardwork paid off,, makes it really hard not to be proud of what I’be accomplished. Like i look back 2 years ago and remember the crappy situation i was in with a guy, no friends, nonexistent self-confidence, and thoughts about ending it all. Sometimes i just want to cry with too much proudness and laugh about the things i used to cry to before.

Gratitude

Abortion

Any Tamil girl here?

Adulting

Love needs two things efforts and adjustment, without these two . Your building will surely fall , do you agree ?

M/26 based in Pune.
Lately, I've been feeling very lonely, social connections are ending, people are feeling isolated more and more. And I'm the only one often to reach out to people.
I'm looking for new connections, a relationship, friends and everything new. Seems like almost everyone has everything figured out except me.
I have a job which pays almost well, just that all kind of meaning is fading away from life.

So I have a job but I dnt think this is what I want to do in my life. I am not blaming anyone for it because this I chose for myself. But now that I am almost 2yrs + in this field, I feel this employer employee thing doesn't work for me and I want to do something which is more happening, something that excites me everyday and I feel happy doing it. I dnt have to make excuses or find reasons to skip it. I have  a daughter. I feel I need sometime now to spend with her, relax and think on what is it I want to do ahead. But this thing I am not able to communicate it right with my husband. His perspective is more like, these are some common things everyone faces at the early stages of their life. But after a point u either get used to it or get over it. Or he thinks these are because of my monthly hormone surges! I so badly want to tell him that there exists a class of people who probably don't necessarily fit into this kind of a system. They probably look at things differently. They too have loans and a family to look after too. But what's the point trying to save money if u r not happy doing it. U may not be alive to enjoy it also. My mood swings are real bad. It's taking a toll on my health now and my kid's too. I had met a doc post delivery wherein she had told me that I showed signs of post partum depression. My husband too was informed abt it. But somehow he thinks it's not the case with me. He thinks it was just a passing phase because I was home and dnt go to work so I was making all this in my head. I am tired of telling and expressing to him that there is something constantly bothering me and I am not feeling good about it. Since I dnt find  a positive support from him, I stopped seeing the doc. I don't know if things have piled up now and are making me feel worse. But right now, I badly need a break. I dnt feel like sharing it with anyone for fear of being misunderstood. I hope some stranger friend would because I have lost hopes from dear ones! 

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