I even hate more myself.
But However is life we have to live
Itβs the inner parent which hates. Itβs called the super-ego. Super ego parents the ego, which is the sense of self. This is not to be mistaken with pride.
Keep listening to it when it gets the thoughts of hate. Be non-attached to it. See you can be aware of the thoughts.
Which means you are not the story, the thoughts, and belief that the mind says. You are the ever present awareness which is aware of experiences. Ask yourself βWhat is aware of my experiences?β Abide in that knowing.
Thinking is an addiction which is free and easily accessible. We all are thinking addicts. So from time to time let go of wanting to think. Ask yourself βWhat could me next thought be?β.
Finally, Let go of wanting to make a commentary about everything you observe. When you let go of labelling everything, thoughts ceases. Itβs found to be unnecessary about trivial non-objective things.
Just be yourself. Itβs okay to hate, but stop resisting that hate. Say an Yes to everything. Let go of wanting to control and modify everything. Stop resisting.
You werenβt looking for advice, but I felt you could use some words. Hope this makes sense. Be brave, this too shall pass.