3am Thoughts

I hate my mother sm. 

Family

My mom makes me feel stupid

Other

How to tell my mom that I am sad

I wish my mum would let me get HRT.

LGBTQ

what to do when your mom gaslights you

Rough day. Little sick. Pretty annoyed. A word? 

My mother and I aren’t talking to each other since yesterday. She was being very rude to me all morning so in the afternoon when again she said something rude I lost my calm and screamed at her that she needs to stop being so rude to me. She isn’t seeing her fault and thinks I misbehaved with her so she’s ignoring me and I’m also ignoring her because I didn’t like the way she was talking to me. So now we’re both ignoring each other and not talking at all.

I have a theory about why my mom is putting so much pressure on me.

Context: My mom treats me strictly than my siblings, points out my flaws publicly just for laughs, and she never stops talking about how perfect of a daughter she was to my grandparents and how I'll never be as good as her.

Theory #1 
**She Does This to Make Herself Feel Better About Herself**

When she was younger, my uncle got married to a woman who was in debt, so my grandparents had to sell a lot of assets, thus making them a bit financially unstable. This angered my mother which is bad at the time because she had that 'I can live a better life on my own, you'll see' phase when she was younger, so that is why she ran away from her home trying to start a new life. She stopped schooling at the process, which made her a high school dropout.

My grandparents insisted on her coming back home and continue her schooling at a public school, but she refused because she believed at the time she can't achieve anything on going to a public school. She did eventually got a job of becoming a nanny at a privileged nanny, which gained her a somewhat 'okay' life. But during that time period, she made a lot of choices that would've ended up on her life right now (a not so stable life).

Theory #2
**She just doesn't want me to become her**
Well, she made a lot of bad choices and thus wants what's best for me.
I made myself believe this is the reason for her behavior, because out of all my theories this one made me feel warm hearted(?).

Theory #3
**She sees me as her younger self**
Many people (even herself) said that I look like her so much. So maybe that's the reason she gave all of this pressure. Now, this theory has both a good and a bad side. The good side being, she didn't want me to turn like her. She wanted me to live a fulfilled life (at least on her terms) and become someone that could've been a better version of herself. My grandma also tells me that she was once a bright and hopeful person like I am, but she changed because of well you know... The bad side being me becoming her subject to her critiques and ridicule as a way of comforting herself from doing all those mistakes that she made when she was younger. Like a way to make up with herself.


I just can't sleep rn and all random stuff be really bothering me at night so... yeah😅


This is not a way for me to make myself feel better for I am just genuinely curious.

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