I had what I thought was the great love of my life during Junior year of High School. I thought I had met the kindest most wonderful girl I had ever seen. I met her in April and in May I gathered some courage and asked her out for lunch that day and she said yes. We had a very nice lunch with one particular, in my opinion, weird moment: she casually said she was a virgin in the middle of an explanation of a misunderstanding she had with a friend over a boy (the details did not seem important at the time). I had never gone on a date before so I didn’t really know if that was normal or even common so I eventually put it in the back of my mind and continued going on ocasional lunches, seeing some movies and spending time knowing each other. A whole summer went by with minimal contact because I was working so I didn’t have much free time. By the time we got back we resumed hanging out with each other and she even met my close family (parents, grandparents, sibling) when she came over to study. But then around March a friend of mine talked to me about her and told me what I didn’t know about her: during the whole time she and I had been going out she had multiple other boyfriends (I never got the number but to my knowledge there were at least 8) most of which had been cheated on and with many one night stands (one time even with multiple partners according to more than one person who saw her going into a bathroom with three other guys). That friend also revealed another girl that I thought as just a very close friend had feelings for me. My “blindness” for the other one had been causing her pain for months and now she had moved on to a boy she is still dating (for which I am glad she is finally happy with someone who can fully love her back).
The whole experience ripped my heart out and I haven’t fully trusted anyone since (close friends, family, no one). It hurts every day to think of her, what she did, and the pain I caused my friends. My family still constantly reminds me of her because they know nothing of what happened. It is my honest belief I will be unable to connect with someone at the same level again because of the level of pain I felt during that time period. She offered no explanation, she cut all contact with me and blocked me everywhere. Forgive me for the long text, but I carried this with me for a few years now and I needed to share it to attempt to alleviate the pain.
Hi, I feel what you went through. We do feel that we will not be able to connect with someone else after our heart is broken but let me tell you, that’s not true. When the time is right, you will meet someone else with whom you will bond and will definitely fall in love again. I used to like this person for 1.5 years and after that ended (they blocked me etc) I thought I won’t be able to get close to someone else ever again. But I did. It took me 2 years but I did. I woke up one day and all the pain I felt for that person was suddenly gone. They didn’t hold any power over me anymore. It was the best feeling ever and I hope you feel it too. You will, soon enogh.
When a person cheats, it has mostly to do with them and it’s totally not about you. So understand that her being the way she is has nothing to do with you.
You can tell your family that it’s over and you would appreciate if nobody talks about her. If you are not in a position to say that, you can at least tell them that you aren’t talking to her as much as you used to.
I know it hurts bad right now, but you will get better as the days pass. It sounds cliche but it’s true that time heals. It takes its sweet time to trust someone again and fall in love but trust me it will happen. Until you are ready to do that, focus on yourself.
Try writing diary to capture your feelings or talk to a friend. Start fresh. You can spend time mending the damage caused to your friendships. Don’t worry, they will understand they are your friends. If they don’t forgive you that’s okay give them some time and they will eventually come around.
There might be things that you love to do but haven’t paid attention lately because you were busy. Get in touch again with those hobbies. Do not forget how awesome you felt before all this happened and brought you down. Time to meet your better version.
Check this out from Mathew Hussey, it has helped me during my dark phase:
Take care and stay strong! Life is long and it’s going to be great if you allow it to be! 😊